the life and musings of a kinky slut

Self Analysis

I think my biggest problem about my weight in my mindset. I ate my way into this problem. I keep thinking I can just eat my way out of it. But it doesn’t work that way. That I know logically. But getting myself to consistently wake up in the morning to work out or going to the gym after work proves itself a difficult mental block I’ve put up.

I think subconsciously, whether I want to admit it or not, having this weight makes me feel safer. Being overweight makes you less noticeable. Who cares about the fat girl walking down the road. I am constantly afraid of being attacked. Somehow, I got it in my mind that if I was fat, no one would bother. I know that’s not true, but that’s the way I thought for a long time.

Sometimes, I see my mom as my fate. It seems inevitable to me that I will be big for the rest of my life. She looked good young, but gained weight with age. Why wouldn’t that also happen to me?

I find excuses, those two the biggest, to just let it happen, let myself stay 100 pounds over my ideal weight. I don’t want to be this size. But it is just so easy to do nothing.

Until I accept the fact that doing nothing is the wrong choice, that not being proactive about getting healthy makes it worse, I’ll never be the person I want to be. I’ll just be the fat girl, walking down the street, hoping no one notices her.

Categorised as: O

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