the life and musings of a kinky slut

So Much Space

It’s official: my SO & I will cohabitat come the end of the month. Yesterday we had the pleasant experience of a walk through in the new apartment. It’s on the first floor, no stairs to walk up or down, and looks out onto a grassy field behind the building.

It’s huge. Two bedrooms, one and one half baths, and a family room. The kitchen has double the counter space of my current place, and all the furnishings are new. We’re thinking the family room will hold our desks, and the smaller bedroom will be the game room, housing the PS2.

The living room is enormous. I don’t know how we are going to configure everything, along with the dinning room table, but there was talk of purchasing a large couch, in addition to the love seat I already own.

There are so many things I am planning and hoping to do with this place. I want to compost. I want us to eat in more often (saves money and help slim our wastes). I’m thinking about setting up an art area, as well, for all the projects I did in college and may want to revisit.

We sign the lease a week from today and move in the week of the 24th. I was able to arrange for an entire week to move because I’m assuming I’ll want to still work but be able to move things at night. Our landlord is awesome and said he wouldn’t charge for both spaces at the same time (which I wasn’t expecting, hello little extra money in the pocket). Things are good.

My one bit of trepidation happened later that day. I had a moment of hesitation, a few hours after the walk through, while my SO was napping. This is a huge step. This is a year long commitment, legally binding us together financially. I suppose it’s normal to have cold feet, but I found myself checking out while watching TV, wondering if I was making the right decision.

I ended up reassuring myself that my doubts were normal. This is not a situation to take lightly. I logiced (yes, I know that’s not a word) that I had wanted this for the past year, but all of a sudden being uncertain and nervous was not grounded in a plethora of facts. It mainly consisted of the jittery feeling in my stomach, not actual doubts about our ability to pay the rent or the fortitude of our relationship. It’s been 2 1/2 years and we’re still together with little signs to the contrary.

In the end, I figured out my fears were just a round about way of expressing how scary it feels to be an adult, to make a major life commitment, and follow through on it. As I’m typing this, I am reminded that I had the same reaction when I signed my first lease (an on campus apartment I had for my junior & senior years in college). I also felt this way when I had a major job switch (the one I am currently in). Difficult adult decisions are not easy, even when it makes perfect sense to make the change.

I want this. We both do. Now, all that’s left is our John Hancocks.

Categorised as: Emotional

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