When describing myself as poly once, a work friend in a triad ‘corrected’ me. “Honey, you’re single. You’re not poly; you’re just a slut.”
Now while the second point is quite true, as anyone who has read my blog or simply had a conversation with me can affirm, I disagree with the first. My current state of un-partnership does not denote my state of emotional attachment or my feelings on love and devotion.
I am single and I am poly. I have a network of loose play partners that are also my friends. I care deeply for the many people in my life. The time I get to spend with them, clothed or not, means the world to me, and frankly is what keeps me sane. The depth of my love for them should not be thought of as less just because no partnership commitment has been made. If anything, as I said to one of my roommates the other day, you don’t often break up with your friends.
My state of single-ness has relatively little to do with my slut-hood. I know what I want, what I need, in committed partnered relationships, but because my ideal has not come along, I am sailing solo. My solitary state does not mean who I am does not exist or is diminished. I am poly, with or without committed partners.
Let me tell you a difficult truth: being single and poly, for me, is hard. Even with my support system, and lots of sexy fun times to be had, I still want warm bodies next to me each night and to wake up to smiling faces each morning. I want constant shoulders, comfort, ever present figures there for me.
I want a Daddy, someone to run his fingers through my hair or put me over his knee. I want pleasure and punishment, sweet kisses and suffocation. Idealistically, he will be the father of my children. I also want a play thing, my own little toy to tease and torment, to string up in the back yard or rub her back til she falls asleep. I want cuddle time and naughty time and hot girl-on-girl sex. I want her as long as she’ll have me, from now til forever.
That is my dream: a Daddy, a toy, and me, with freedom for all to play and fuck as we wish.
I have yet to meet them, so I wait, patiently, hoping for their soon arrival.
Until then, yes I will be slut-tastic. And I will be loving, kind, and caring to those who mean the world to me, whether others acknowledge my devotion or not.
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