As the boys finished cleaning up, I sat by the corner of the stage, talking to Cabin Meat. I showed her the photos I took of the acts, pleased at my work. When I looked up, at the frame on the ground across from the stage, I saw a bit of a really hot scene with Lqqkout & mecha-Kate.
I then looked to my left, and saw Murphy with Janice and Gray with another girl on his lap.
I was triggered.
I was trying to brush off Dov’s comment, having heard it only a few minutes prior. I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me, but he did. But then I saw the two guys supposedly co-topping me that night hanging out with two other beautiful women. I felt the emotions swim up on me, like a heavy wet blanket.
You motherfucker. You’re happening again. You’re happening again? Right now? Why are you doing this to me? Why?
Waves of insecurity came back in one quick rush. Feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, submissive enough, anything enough flooded my brain.
I immediately went into self soothing mode. I looked at my photos again. This didn’t work.
Thankfully, I looked up and realized I should watch Lqqkout & Kate’s incredibly hot scene. It was, by far, the closet thing I’ve ever seen to fucking with a guys pants still on. Lqqkout suspended Kate high up on the arch. With gloves on, he began to finger her, which then translated to fisting her. He slowly let her tie off, lowering her down, so that all her weight was supported by was her chest harness and his hand in her pussy. She began screaming and cumming, squirting on the mats below.
Just then, Murphy approached and stood next to me. Pushing my feelings aside, I showed him the photos I’d taken of the circus. Gray then came over, too, and I showed him, as well. But, I soon realized my efforts were not going to work, as Gray kept distracting me, poking me in the boobs.
Gray then poked Cabin Meat in the boobs, too. She, in turn, poked Gray back. His focus latched onto her. “Whatever you do to me I’m gonna do ten times back to you.”
In an instant, my head went in two different directions. 40% of me was jealous Cabin Meat was getting this attention from Gray. But 60% of me couldn’t stop looking at her. When Gray was up in her personal space (doing I’m-not-sure-what to her) her head rolled back, her eyes closed, and her face smoothed out.
I stood, scrunched up, a hand under my chin, my arms closed in on my chest. I just watched. All I kept thinking, as I took in this moment, was I want to play with Cabin Meat. I want to play with Cabin Meat.
And yes, there was a part of me that was jealous of the attention she was getting, but, at the same time, more of me was pulled in by how gorgeous she was, how much I wanted to taste her lips. All I wanted, in that moment, was to kiss her.
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