I saw my Ex at The Floating World.
I looked about one hundred feet across the playspace, near its entrance, and there he was. I instantly recognized the brown skin, bald head, and stocky build.
I immediately turned around.
For good measure, I looked again. Yup, it was him. I turned back around.
I followed a friend outside and stood with them as they smoked. I took deep breaths and tried to forget I had just seen my Ex, who I believe didn’t see me.
Two states away, yet he was there.
Two states away and this was the first time I’d seen him at an event. I suppose I should feel lucky. It took two years and two states for it to finally happen.
Though, really, it didn’t happen. He never saw me.
After chatting with my friend outside, he departed and I went back into the play area. I found a person I’d offered some rope time to, and we went over some basic ties. I taught her the gunslinger harness and two basic chest ties. I showed her how I could suspend myself (though I never do) by simply sitting into a gunslinger. (I find it too uncomfortable.)
I talked about more basic rope info: types of rope, lengths, diameter. I encouraged her to take more classes and practice practice practice. She left happy.
When I packed up my rope, I found Big Bro and watched him tie for a spell. I saw my Ex pass by while I stood near a vertical support beam. He was walking about fifty feet away, heading for the door, I assumed after having played. I never saw him again.
So no, it hasn’t actually happened. He hasn’t seen me. Event me. PoeticDesires me.
In my new clothes, with hair curly, wearing my boots.
He hasn’t seen me tie, or get tied. He hasn’t seen me give cigar service. He hasn’t seen me bootblack. Hasn’t seen me get pummeled, with the tears and sobs and snot.
He hasn’t seen who I’ve become since I left him.
I don’t know if he knows how I’ve changed, how much I’ve changed, since I made the hard decision to not hang on to him, to not hang on to what was us.
As I drove home yesterday, and thought about my event, I regretted not going up to him, not talking to him, not at least saying hi. I regretted that I felt the need to avoid him, to not engage, to not try to be if not friends than friendly.
I didn’t get to talk to Doc about this today, but I have the distinct feeling he would say something like, “Why would you try to be someone you’re not?”
In the moment, I needed to not talk to him. In the moment, I felt it best to not go there.
So I didn’t go there.
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