I was stood up tonight, and, funny enough, I am the happier for it.
It was my work friend from Faire yesterday. We had arranged to hang out this evening, but he had to cancel; some bullshit he needed to take care of at home. We have already planned to reschedule for another day, though with Rope Camp so soon approaching it will not happen for some time. Still, it will happen.
Now you may ask why I find myself the better for not having spent time with my friend. It is not for an obvious reason. He is a friend, a good guy, and I know we would’ve had fun today.
The thing though is, almost as soon as I texted him the this morning, something told me he would cancel. This wasn’t exactly a sixth sense thing. I don’t claim to be prophetic, except occasionally in my dreams about inane things.
No, it was my reaction to the situation that I am (mostly) happy with.
When I initially texted him, he didn’t immediately respond; sign number one. My mind took all its normal leaps (yah know, the script that plays in my head, the mean-no-good-very-bad thoughts, the shit that I’m working through with Doc).
At first I thought, Well fuck, he’s blowing me off. That sucks. He was going to be my Monday night entertainment. (cue Mad Men)
And then came the shitty script.
He’s blowing me off because he doesn’t really want to hang out with me. He just agreed to because he was drunk yesterday. Guess the harsh light of day had him change his mind.
However, not a quick after but after, my active mind spun the scenario on my subconscious mind’s head.
Hey, you’re doing it again. You’re jumping to a bunch of shitty conclusions with no evidence, luv. Don’t we remember Occam’s Razor’s? He probably is at work and didn’t get the message. Be patient. And, for that matter, how about you call him later (instead of text) to find out if you are still on?
I set a time to call him, deciding to push all thoughts (as best I could) to the side about the situation until that then. I got ready like normal and headed out to perform the few errands I needed to accomplish before our supposed meet up.
As I sat in my car waiting to pick someone up and give them a ride home, lo and behold I got a text. My work friend did indeed need to cancel because of aforementioned bullshit and wished to reschedule.
As I sat in my car, a wave of relief came over me. No, my work friend is not a closet asshole. No, I am not a piece of shit. Life is not as horrible as my little brain wants to make it out to be.
So no, I’m not happy that my brain did the mental jujitsu that it loves, spinning flipping kicking to the worst possible conclusion and making me feel like shit in the process.
I am happy, though, that I actively worked against my learned training. I actively held out hope for the best. I went against program in my own little way.
When it comes to the emotional roller coaster I struggle with daily, I will take my wins where I can get them.
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