~ a rant ~
I am not a morning person. My Mom loves to tell the story of me saying that to her one day in the car while driving me to middle school.
And it’s true.
I hate waking up early. Especially for work. Especially if I didn’t get enough sleep the night before.
On occasions where multiple days in a row I have not gotten enough sleep, I’ll slapped my smart phone’s alarm to snooze and yell, “I hate this shit” to no one in particular.
When I’m tired, I can go from zero to bitch in the blink of an eye. When I’m that exhausted, all I want is to be left alone. I can usually survive work if I’m given a task I can do by myself or if I’ve paired with someone or someones who don’t talk to me.
Seriously, don’t talk to me when I’m tired. I don’t have the patience to deal with people when I’m tired. If you must talk, keep it to short sentences. Trying to strike up a conversation with me will only issue evil thoughts about your torture and death.
The worst, and what I find happens most often when I’m tired, are the people (in particular men) who try to make me smile or laugh. Try to cheer me up.
When I’m tired, I don’t want to be cheered up. I want to be left the fuck alone. And I find it irritating when people try to foist their happiness on me. I’m allowed to feel like shit. I’m allowed to be moody, grumpy even.
My general disposition is no concern of yours. I don’t owe you a smile. I barely owe you acknowledgement. I don’t have to be happy. And when some random thinks he’s going to cheer up my day with his winning personality, all I want to do is shove his care and concern down his throat.
I’ve noticed how bad it can get lately. 6am Load Ins and 1am Load Outs will do that.
Unfortunately, no one wins when trying to catch me in a good mood. If I start my day early, I won’t be good til I’ve slept. And that means a nap. And naps for me happen as infrequently as you might have guessed.
There is only one exception to my tired grumpy self: events. At an event, I can run on three hours of sleep and be happy and chipper. I run off of adrenaline. What new thing will I learn about or see today? Events allow for naps. And orgasms. And a good beating or two. At an event, grumpy I almost never am.
But in real life. If I haven’t gotten enough sleep. If I’m over worker and under rested. It’s best to steer clear of me. Neither of us will like me when I’m grumpy.
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