~ a poem ~

It feels like Spring,
the season where
my loneliness blooms.
Each year, without fail,
I get an ache in my body,
a desire for a warm
someone
and a little heart beating
in my belly.

Today I let my mind slip away,
dreaming of a life that could happen.
Our reconnection.
Our fucking.
Your inevitable absconding.
A positive test.
A message sent.
A new life within me
only half belonging to you.
I’d keep her.
I’d tell you,
let you decide
what kind of a man you were.
No matter your answer,
I’d be happy.

And then it struck me,
why this fantasy
was so comforting.
It is my life,
myself recast as my mother
and you as my father.

Of course my drifting mind
landed on all
I push against.
Of course the lust of us,
and the end of us,
was what I dreamed about.
It’s what I know.

Familiarity, however,
does not equal goals.

I meet horrible people every day
and most of them have dates,
partners,
marriages.
Shitty people couple up so easily.

I, on the other hand,
don’t.

Still, it’d be nice
if my person would show up already.

Categorised as: Poem | Writing

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