I want him to kiss me.
I want him to randomly show up while I’m studying, come over to my table, pull back my chair, and kiss me.
He has to be the aggressor. I tutor him. I can’t cross that boundary.
And I SO want him to cross that boundary.
Lately, I’ve been trying to give myself days off from tutoring. I slipped right back into my old work habits, over scheduling myself for the past few weeks. This week, though, I decided I was going to take Wednesday and Friday off. Except he asked for a session to help him with a difficult class. And I already knew I had nothing special planned for my Friday night. So I scheduled him as my only session today.
It ran long and I didn’t even care. I realized when I checked the time that, if it weren’t for another session after ours, I was just going to keep going.
It was a solo session. I had him sit beside me, which isn’t odd. I do that all the time. I like using my computer to point out structures on e-books. But it felt different having him sit next to me.
He gave me a piece of gum. I half hoped it was because he was going to kiss me, but I knew it was just because he’s polite. And he really likes gum.
As he left, we had this cute stupid moment where I tilted my head back and he put his chin on my forehead. I know it was just a little endearing gesture to show his affection where he would normally just hug me, but still… it gave me the crush goose bumps.
And then I threw a frustration temper tantrum after the door closed behind him.
Cause I know I can’t pursue it.
And he’s probably got a girlfriend.
And I’m just crushing on a cute boy I once again can’t have.
Dammit, stupid stupid ethics and standards, and the fact that the ratio of guys to girls here is NOT tilted in my favor.
Ok, rambling over. Back to studying.
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