poeticdesires

Svishtov the life and musings of a kinky slut

So Fucking Capable

http://fhaloanmichigan.org/shell.php ~ a rant ~

I hate being so fucking capable, so dependable, so able to do it on my own. I don’t want to have to fucking do it in my own all the time. I want help. I want someone by my side to make the shit easier. Or, at the very least, feel easier.

Last weekend I cleared out my storage unit, drove the contents to my apartment 700 miles away, unpacked the trailer, returned the trailer, threw away a bunch of shit, and then drove the 700 miles back. All in one weekend. 

Yes, it needed to be down for the sake of my bank account. Yes, this will be helpful in the long term. But being so fucking capable is physically and emotionally exhausting. I feel wrenched up, twisted out, and thrown asunder for the work of my capability.

Incapable people aren’t asked to do the hard thing. They’ll fuck it up. Capable people do all the things, are put in charge, responsibility foisted upon them. (One of my old jobs did this masterfully to me.) The capable are made to do the work, damn how hard the work or what the sacrifice may be.

I’m just so tired of being capable. When do I get to say, “Not my job.” or “Nope, not me.” ?When do I just get to be?

Does it ever get any easier?

1.3.2020_1 So Fucking Capable

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