Nothing is less sexy to me than desperation, yet three different men acted as such towards me over the span of one weekend.
Guy 1 I “met” via a dating app. We exchanged phones numbers and began texting. In the entirety of my knowing him, he came off as over eager. His insistence on conversations every day was exhausting. I tried to arrange for our meeting, but he canceled last minute due to work. Eagerness without accompanying action is a waste of my time.
Guy 2 is a former coworker. During a fun group outing, and after many bottles of wine emptied by said group, he made it known, in no uncertain terms, that he would like to engage in kinky play again. He was so insistent, and repetitive, that his partner, another coworker friend, broke down, and said, “She gets it. You want to fuck her.” Accurate, and awkward.
Guy 3 is an old friend who lately has been sick. As much as I care for him as a person, illness too is not sexy. It was a brief moment of sadness that gave this blog its name.
The last time my friend and I had sex was the definition of lackluster. Yes, I asked him to be quick, but of the five minutes of penetration, maybe two minutes were almost captivating. It was a true pity fuck, and solidified my decision to not have sex with him again.
Compared to the experience of those three men, it is striking how not lackluster Gent is.
I saw him again the weekend before second year classes began. I showed up in a comfy sundress and sandals, laid myself on his bed, and began chatting. We conversed for a good twenty minutes, him lazily in a chair smirking at my conversation points.
“Do you know what schadenfreude is?”
“Yes, I’m German.”
“Right, I keep forgetting.”
“What are you thinking about right now?”
“I was wondering if we were going to have sex?”
“Why do you wait every time?”
“I know you’ve told me multiple times not to, but I’m too polite. I made my offer, presented to you what I wanted, and I’m in your place, so you get to decide if and when.”
“Why was the sex so lackluster?”
I told him about the above three men and my general frustrations surrounding them.
He got up from his chair, walked to the side of the bed, and coaxed me to my knees.
“It was the desperation. Desperation is not sexy. They asked for something that, if I wanted to give it, they should have be taking.”
As I answered his question, Gent slipped my panties off, shoved down his pants, flipped his shirt over his head, and began fingering me. Then slid inside me.
I gripped his sheets. Moaned into his mattress.
He pushed the hem of my dress up, tucked the collar of my dress down under my breasts.
He fucked me from behind. Then in missionary. He fucked me across the bed all the way to his nightstand. I used my hand to shield my head from banging into the wood.
“Don’t lift your hips.”
Gent regularly hits my cervix when going deep and hard. Usually, I adjust by lifting my hips up. This time he wanted me to take all of the pleasure and the pain. I gave in, was awash in him. I cried, it felt so good.
He pulled out, laid down on the bed. I rode him.
He reached up, sucked and bit my nipples. I pumped my hips quick and hard. Drove myself to fuck him as well as he had fucked me.
“Are you going to come for me?”
“Do you have any more for me?”
This man’s dirty talk was A++.
As my body twisted in pleasure, collapsing down on him, he whispered “Good girl. Good girl.”
He tapped my thigh. “Suck it.”
I jumped off and enveloped his cock in my mouth.
He then fucked me as I laid on my stomach, using my shoulders as leverage to drive in harder.
He bit my back at the top of my shoulders. For a solid week into classes, I had delicious backpack moments, the dull ache of his teeth, memories living in my muscles.
We ended in missionary position again, with more hard fucking, and my whispers of “fuck yes” into his ears.
When we finished, we showered and had breakfast. I wanted waffles.
After food, we had the same conversation as the last time we thought we wouldn’t fuck again.
I don’t want to fuck anyone else, but I know good and well that I have no power over whether or not Gent stays in my life.
For now, I concentrate on my classes, tutoring, and trying to not burn out.
But, on any given day, I wonder if I’ll ever have good dick like Gent’s ever again.