Month: January 2012

  • Ropey Fun Time

    Most of the time we talked. We geeked out over rope. We ate grocery store sushi. I put in an order for a natural fiber kit. We enjoyed each other’s company. Most of the time was filled with words.

    But part of the night was more action than notions, more feel than say.

    I was in rope first. N3rddom tied me while Nomad and KnownUnknown watched and chatted. I let myself get lost in the constriction, his constant push-pull, his control of my body. I brushed my hands as best I could against his stomach, against his leg, as he tied. He always had his body against mine. He spanked my ass. I squealed a little. My head became swimmy. The feeling was delicious.

    Next I tied Nomad. She was in the mood for whimsy. I was in the mood to inflict pain. I experimented with a tie I’d seen recently. I trapped her arms, secured her chest to a hard point, and took away one of her legs.

    I immediately went for her free leg. She hopped around, trying to get away. When her free leg grew tired, I switched them up. N3rddom, more of a Sadist than I, attached nipples clamps and linked them to her ankle rope. She did not move much after that. He grabbed a Hitachi and she quietly came.

    We removed the nipple clamps and ankle line, but I wasn’t done. I punched, slapped, spanked, and kneed her more. She’d never had such treatment before, but found she liked it. I enjoyed beating on her. I enjoyed the power, the control, the force of my will on her body.

    Her skin turned red, especially on her thighs. I hugged her and caressed her hair as both N3rddom and I untied her.

    We sat, chatted more. I grew sleepy. It was late and I’m suppose to wake up for work in six hours.

    With the assistance of caffeinated mints (disgusting but effective), I safely made my way home from a fun Monday night.

  • Freaked

    Tonight, as I sat with SkinnyBitch on our couch, chatting about our weekends and life in general, the power went out. She was on my netbook, which gave her form a soft glow. I, however, was surrounded by darkness. I freaked, frantically trying to find the flashlight app on my iPhone. The power was back on in less than a minute. I silently cursed myself for not having my actual flashlight near me.

    I am afraid of the dark. I think this is an obvious fact; if you have read some on my erotica, I’m sure you’ve noted a few of my characters share this trait. And though I know logically this is a part of me, I don’t often acknowledge to myself how deep my fear goes.

    I don’t sleep in the dark. Ever. For most of my life I slept with a television on, a practice I learned from my mother. College forced me to change this habit, briefly, as my roommates did not appreciate the distraction as they slept. I used the sleep function on my computer to scroll photos, providing myself a light source at night that wasn’t terribly inconvenient for all others involved. However, as soon as I got my own room, I again went back to leaving the television on throughout the evening.

    As I’ve developed in my adult life, I’ve transitioned away from having a television in my room and adapted to just having some light source available as I sleep.

    Music has also been a soothing balm to my fear. With a soft glow and random rock songs from the local station, I’m good to go each night.

    My fear of the dark extends beyond just my sleep habits. Each night, when walking through the house, I keep myself in a cone of light. I transition from room to room, flipping switches as I go.

    The hardest part of each evening is the half dozen steps from my bathroom to my bedroom. We don’t leave the hallway light on, or any other lights in the house. I leave my door open, my destination a beacon for my trek.

    I scurry rather quickly, trying not to be too loud, hoping the roommates don’t notice I am running because of what is behind me or what might pop out beside me. I close my door quickly, locking out whatever monster might have almost snatched me tonight.

    There have been exceptions to my fear. They always involved other people.

    I’ve slept in the dark when someone is cuddled up next to me. Though my brain still ventured to it’s scary place, it was easier to pull back to safer sane imaginings with another’s flesh anchoring me to my present. When venturing down dark halls, if I am surrounded by people they provide a natural human shield. And since I sometimes work in theatre, I have acclimated myself to surviving occasional blackouts.

    Eventually I want to play with my fear. I know, of all the things someone could do to me, this would be the biggest mindfuck possible. But I also know it would require an extremely high level of trust and understanding. This is very much a long term project.

    So, what are you afraid of?

  • Good Night

    “Will you suspend me?”
    “Sure.”


    My night started slow; I had arrived early for the play party. I wore my red teddy, black tights, and my black heals. My teddy had not experienced enough play in my opinion, and I felt in a flirty mood.

    I initially talked to my friends, and contemplated what trouble I would get into. As more of my compatriots arrived, the party filled.

    This was a two night event, coinciding with a convention taking part in the area, but I didn’t know that at the time. As the night went on, and more and more younger folk arrived, I learned this evening was geared towards the under twenty-four crowd. The next night would only be open to attendees at or above that age.

    My first play of the evening kept me sore all night. I’d seen Jx

    Since Jx was not into rope, cigars, and their boots were purple, we decided on impact. I told them punching, kicking, scratching, kneeing, and hair pulling were all welcome. I completely disrobed and we began.

    Jx started by punching my right arm, transitioned to my back, and circled around to my left arm. They punched my chest, lightly hit my stomach, and continued to circle my body, abusing it as they saw fit. They kneed my rump, threw their forearm into my body, kicked into me; I rocked forward with their blows.

    I began to cry. Jx checked in. I had forgotten to tell them this was a good thing. Crying in my play means you are doing it right. When I sob and wail, it is a catharsis. I take the pain in and breathe it out in my cries. Jx was very good at what they did.

    They asked me how I would safeword. I tearily explained I used body language, crouching away from them if I needed a moment. I always do this in my play, in fact. If needed, I take a second or a moment to regain myself and then come back. If it becomes to much, I just don’t present my body for them anymore.

    Jx gripped my hair and pulled my head back. They slapped my cheeks, one and then the other, over and over, stingy pain shooting through my skin. They slapped my lips, a feeling I had yet to experience. I couldn’t scream as they focused their fingertips over my mouth, muffling my cries.

    Jx asked me to lie on the ground. They continued their blows, now using their booted feet. They reiterated that if it became too much, I should move away. They kicked, using their toe, again into my arms, my back, and now my thighs. They circled around again. They slapped my back with increasingly stingy blows. My cries soared into the floor. I let the feeling wash over me.

    Finished, Jx complimented my ability to take a beating as they gently thumped my back. They massaged all over me, bringing my sobs down to normal breathing and my mind back out of my body and once again into the world.

    I sat up on my knees, smiling. We examined Jx’s work, seeing what bruises would soon appear. Jx was especially pleased at a boot imprint on my back, the lines of the tread visible on my skin.

    We hugged. I was happy, warmed up for my night.

    Rejoining my friends, I learned Jx and I had scared away some new folks. It seemed the crying didn’t sit well with them.

    Just then, I saw Lqqkout had arrived. I greeted him and offered him the ten cent tour of the space. I also mentioned my interest in playing with him that evening. We agreed to check back in with each other later.

    Soon after, another friend arrived. AT and I greeted one another; I was happy he had made his way to the event. AT had newly arrived to town and I believe this was his first play party since settling in. We spoke for a bit before parting ways.

    Randomly, I saw a new girl I had spoken to earlier in the night sitting on a futon in a corner. She had expressed an interest in rope, and I had encouraged her to speak to Amy Morgan who was installed under a hard point tying all those brave enough to ask. I sat next to the girl and inquired if she had had her time in rope yet. She had not.

    Seeing her nerves, I offered to tie her myself. Relief filled her face; she agreed.

    I scurried to my things, grabbed my rope bag, and returned. After a brief health talk, I decided I would tie her in a basic chest harness with her arms free. Then I would bind together her wrists and secured them up over her head and behind her back. With my work complete, she seemed to really enjoy the comfort of the binding. I let down her arms, but she kept the chest rope on for some time after.

    After watching me tie the shy girl, another new girl approached me and asked for time in my ropes. Because she was more flexible than my first newbie bottom, I tied the second in a more constrictive harness. She enjoyed the experience as well.

    A third girl also approached me; I tied her as well. Releasing my first bottom from her ropes, I used the strands to tie the third, who also opted to stay in the chest harness for a spell. My night was getting filled with lots of rope-y fun-ness.

    “Will you suspend me?”

    “Sure.”

    I’d completed all my ties by the futon couch in the corner of the playspace. For my time with AT, I needed a hard point. With all my rope secure and all the girls happy, AT and I made our way to a portable rig.

    I secured my ring with my webbing and laid out my ropes. I asked AT my usual health questions; he was as fit and as tough as an ox. He took off his clothes, but I asked him to leave on his underwear, and his boots. I asked him what I was allowed to do. He said he had no restrictions. We began.

    Working behind him, I bound his wrists and tied a tight chest harness around him. I pulled my excess rope through a carabiner, looped through his harness, and secured him to my ring. I then bent down and tied a cuff around his booted ankle. Asking him to bend his knee, I lifted the rope to another carabiner. I pulled his leg up, up, up, and tied off. I left his other leg free. Happy with my work, I moved in front of him.

    I was in a playful mood and I could do whatever I wanted to AT. I wanted to punch him. I went after his thigh, abusing his one leg on the floor. I challenged his ability to stay standing. His thigh was all muscle. He smiled, confessing he was a cyclist. I liked punching and slapping the firm flesh all the same. It was the slapping that especially bothered him, causing his initial faltering.

    I moved on to his rear. I punched one side of his ass while I spanked the other. I slapped his back, issuing hard stingy blows. He moved this way and that, trying to keep his balance, but he couldn’t get away. When he could, he leaned into me, attempting to disrupt my hits. This didn’t deter me.

    All the while, as I’m abusing him and he’s trying to evade me, neither of us can stop laughing. I’m giggling and laughing and beating on my friend as he’s spinning and swaying and laughing with me. I’m up over his back. I’m down on my knees. I’m kneeing his ass. I’m spanking him. I’m tickling him. And we laugh and laugh and laugh.

    AT is a pale man. Where my blows landed had turned his flesh a lipstick red. We both marveled at the effect. I scratched his back, and then wondered if I could scratch my initials into him. With what little nails I had, I scratched ” P D ~ ” onto his skin. It raised up nicely.

    Both of us happy and out of breath, I lowered his leg, released his wrists, and freed him from my binds. We smiled. We hugged. Our scene was awesome.

    AT now had another request; he wanted to flog me. We searched around for toys, but all had seemed to have vanished.

    Instead we settled on watching Amy Morgan and Lqqkout play. I sat on the floor while AT rested in a chair. I leaned against his leg and looked on at the fantastic rope work before me.

    AT lightly brushed his hand over my arm. I nuzzled my head into his leg, showing both my enjoyment in the small sign of affection and my giving back positive energy to him. As he read my interest into his gesture, his hand traveled across the back of my neck. I leaned into his fingers.

    Going further, AT gripped down hard on my flesh. He massaged the knots in the top of my back. He kneaded away my worries about work, about money. Leaning forward, I dropped into his easing and found comfort in his efforts.

    Finished with his caresses, I again leaned against AT’s leg and went back to watching Lqqkout and Amy.

    As I took in the scene, a beautiful girl approached AT and asked for a back rub as well. I leaned forward, giving him ample ease to work on the girl. After he completed his work, AT remarked how good it felt to have two beautiful women at his knees. This made me smile. I again leaned my head against his knee and his hand found my arm once more.

    As Lqqkout and Amy’s scene came to an end, so too did the event. Though the playspace was not scheduled to close until 2am, by 1:30am almost everyone was gone. I quietly slipped away, checking in on my friends. Later I came back, gave a hug goodbye to Lqqkout, and secured an IOU for future play.

    Driving home, sleepy and tired, I smiled while recounting my night. I could feel the bruises from Jx rising. I could feel the warmth from AT’s massage on my back. I thrilled in remembering the fun time I had giggling as I abused AT’s body. It was a good night.

  • The Boy and The Man

    ~erotica~

    It was Sunday, cleaning day. If the boy did nothing else today, he had to clean. His life was so hectic, so full, that the boy put aside one day a week for normal adult activities. He would check all his mail, buy groceries for the week, and he would clean.

    His grubby studio apartment wasn’t much to look at, but it was enough for him. Between work, school, and his social life, he barely saw it anyway. His apartment served as the room where he collapsed each night, woke up, showered, and left in the morning.

    The boy, however, didn’t want to live in squalor. His first few months of his senior year had taught him well. Take out containers, cardboard pizza boxes, soda cans, and the few dishes he did use piled up in his kitchen. At one point, the boy realized there was a swarm of flies throughout his apartment and he couldn’t see any part of the kitchen counter. And thus Sunday became his maintenance day.

    But, more than that, it also became his personal day. No homework. No friends’ issues. No complaining customers. He had grown to love his Sundays, even if they were full of things to do. Everything the boy accomplished made his life better.

    This Sunday had gone well. He breezed through the mail, setting aside the paper for recycling. Grocery shopping had been relatively good. Since he’d gone fairly early, the usual crowd was not as bad as in weeks past. All that was left was the actual cleaning.

    He’d started with the kitchen, which he hated the most. Memories of the first offending insects always had him worried a new pest would show. When all the containers were thrown out and the dishes in the dishwasher, he gathered up the trash and recycling, walked them down the hall, and stuffed it all down the cavernous shoots in the dirty closet.

    Last was laundry. Sliding his hamper, he gathered up his clothes, flung this way and that, memories from his past week flooding his mind. He reached for a blue tank top hanging on the metal arm of his futon couch. Wondering if it needed a spin in the wash, because this one seemed mostly clean to him, he brought the cloth to his nose. Inhaling, his body tumbled back to Thursday night, the semi-crowded bar, and the man.

    The man was older, much older, to the point where the boy wondered why he found the gentleman attractive at all. The boy usually went for guys around his age, guys who still drank, and occasionally did blow, and would suck his cock in the back alley as casually as shaking hands. But there was something about this man that captured the boy.

    The boy had been leaning against the wall, drink in hand, sipping and spying the meat of the night. He was waiting to see who would prowl him. Instead, he set his sights on the man.

    The boy hadn’t seen him walk in, hadn’t noticed him sit at the end of bar, didn’t know if he was a regular or a visitor. When he saw the man, quietly staring at him, his breath caught in his throat.

    It wasn’t a mean or menacing look. It wasn’t questioning or calculating. Instead, it felt like the boy had no clothes on. It felt like the man saw right through his skinny jeans and blue tank top. It felt like the man saw him, saw him and wanted him. And, it that moment, the boy wanted the man as well.

    He took a breath, swallowed the last of his drink, and began the long walk to the other side of the room. There was no break in the man’s stare, no moment where the boy didn’t feel his eyes always burrowing into him.

    When he finally reached the man, the boy sat next to him, and simply, boldly, asked, “Do you want me?”

    “Yes.”

    “Where?”

    “Do you live close?” The idea of the boy bringing this man back to his cluttered apartment was beyond horrifying.

    “No. Your place?”

    “Downtown. Are you in the mood for an adventure?” The boy was in the mood for whatever the man wanted.

    A fifteen minute cab ride, a long trip up an elevator, and about five lifetimes worth of sexual tension later, the boy sat on the nicest couch he’d even seen in the nicest apartment he’d ever seen in a building he could only hope to work in, let alone ever live in.

    But now, he didn’t know what to do. The man had disappeared, leaving him in the living room with a glass of water and a life’s worth of acquired objects to peruse. But the boy didn’t want to look at art or trinkets. He wanted the man, just the man.

    When his anxiety almost had him running out the door, his bent head shot up from the shock of the man’s voice.

    “Why are your clothes still on?”

    The man had reappeared wearing only a robe. The boy quickly riped off his clothes, the man always watching. When it came to his underwear, however, the boy suddenly felt shy, an emotion that had not crossed his mind since grade school.

    The man must have seen his apprehension; he approached the boy, lightly placed his hands on the boy’s hips, and slowly slid the fabric down. Now on his knees and at eye level with the boy’s cock, the young one felt a heat so powerful he thought it would consume him.

    With a firm push, the boy sat back on the couch. A little shocked by the change, his eyes were already wide before the man surrounded his cock with his lips. The boy gasped, and his breathing grew heavy as the man sucked and sucked and sucked.

    The boy’s hands found the man’s hair, softly caressing his head. The man, never missing a beat, continued to blow this boy like no one had before, while simultaneously grabbing the boy’s wrists and pinning them to the sides of his thighs. The man’s grip was strong, firm.

    The man’s strokes increased. He took the boy’s cock down his throat with the ease of licking a lolly pop. The boy, having never had a blow job this good, found it hard to hold on.

    “Fuck. Fuck. I’m coming.”

    The man stopped. He lifted his head and looked directly into the boy’s eyes. The boy didn’t understand what was going on. He was so close, so close to the biggest fucking orgasm he had ever had. What had happened?

    “Did I…did I do something wrong?”

    The man released his hold on the boy’s wrists. He stood, towering over the boy sucked up by the couch.

    The man dropped his robe. Once again the boy’s eyes were wide. This man, whose age could have been anywhere from thirty-five to fifty-five, had the body of an Adonis: muscles, abs, clean shaven. It was as if the god himself had appeared before the boy. He didn’t know what to say or do, but he knew he wanted more than anything for this beautiful body to be against his.

    “Your orgasms are mine. I decide when you cum.”

    The boy didn’t understand, yet he understood. The man was in control. The boy didn’t care; whatever this man wanted he would give.

    The man gripped the boy’s hair. With his free hand, the man stroked his own mostly erect cock. The man then shoved the boy’s mouth onto his cock, plunging deep into the boy’s throat. The boy happily sucked on the man’s dick, happily thrusted his head forward and back, happily took all of him into him. The man’s cock was the biggest the boy had ever swallowed, but he had given enough blow jobs by nineteen to never have to worry about a gag reflex.

    The man continued to grip the boy’s hair, fucking the boy’s face. The boy’s hands rested on the man’s hips, using the feel to help him time the man’s strokes. As they grew faster, the boy quietly marveled at the muscles of the side of the man’s ass.

    As the boy’s mouth grew sore, he wondered if he would be able to please the man, wondered if he could withstand the man’s pounding the back of his throat much longer. His lips were stretched. His throat had begun to ache. Still, he didn’t want his cock anywhere else.

    Well, there was one place he wanted it, and he got his wish soon after the thought occurred.

    The man abruptly pulled the boy’s mouth off his cock. They were both breathing hard, though the man’s huffs were nowhere near as loud or as desperate as the boy’s. The man looked down, saw the boy was still hard, and gave the slightest of grins.

    “Turn over.” The boy put one knee on the couch while his opposite foot rested on the floor. He presented his ass to the man, high, open, willing, and ready for the man’s cock. The boy heard the tear of the wrapper, but had no clue where the condom came from. After a moment, the boy felt the man’s cold fingers on his asshole, spreading the lube and opening his hole up.

    And then the boy felt the tip of the man’s cock tracing the circle of his anus. His hips instinctively tilted up, trying to capture the head. He wanted so desperately to have the man’s cock in him, but somehow the boy knew he was getting teased. The boy remembered the man’s was in control. Still, he begged with his hips for the man to enter his ass, and eventually the man did.

    The man without warning shoved deeply, deliciously into the boy, filled his ass with the cock the boy had just previously tasted. The boy loved the feel of this dick inside him. The man lingered there, fully in the boy, before he gave another powerful thrust. A pause and a third thrust followed.

    The boy ached with the pleasure, ached with lust and passion, ached to be fucked hard. Again the man granted the boys silent wish. He began thrusting in a slow rhythm, gripping the boy’s hips. Then his thrusts grew. And grew.

    Until finally the man was slamming his cock into the boy, gripping and pulling the boy’s hips onto his dick, riding the boy harder than he’d ever felt. The boy panted, pleaded, thanked the man for his fucking. He pushed back his ass. He gripped the couch, trying to keep from falling. His cock, still hard, pulsed with the beat of the man’s cock forever pounding him. And the boy could feel it, could feel the orgasm rising.

    “I…may I… may I cum? Fuck, may I cum?” The man continued to fuck the boy mercilessly.

    “Please. Oh god please. Please may I cum?” The man gripped the boy’s hair again, bringing the boy’s ear up to the man’s lips.

    “You want to cum?” The boy heard the sinister tone in the man’s voice, heard the control.

    “Yes, please.”

    “You love my dick inside you, pounding you hard, fucking you senseless?”

    “Yes, oh god yes. Please don’t stop.”

    “Oh, I won’t.” With his free hand, the man reached down and gripped the boy’s cock, stroking it now to the beat of his thrusts.

    “Shit!”

    “You are such a nelly bottom. You want your cock pulled and your ass fucked, don’t you?”

    “Yes.”

    “You love me filling you up, all the way full, don’t you?”

    “Yes! Please don’t stop. Please.”

    “Cum.”

    The man pushed the boy’s body back down and drove into the boy even harder than before. The power of the man’s hips shoved the boy into the couch. All the while the man never stopped stroking the boy’s cock.

    The boy convulsed as he shot into the man’s hand and gripped onto the man’s dick with his ass. The man brought his hand full of cum to the boy’s face and slathered it all over. The man stuck his fingers in the boy’s mouth and the boy licked his own juices off the man’s hands. The pure ecstasy of the moment washed over the boy, fucked better, harder than he had ever been fucked before. His body was on fire; the heat consumed him whole.

    The man grunted loudly, his final few thrusts shifting the couch a bit. The boy guessed the man had cum too. After his last stroke, the man slowly pulled his cock out of the boy and wiped the last bits of the boy on the boy’s sweaty ass.

    As the boy laid on the couch, a panting sweaty ball, the man reached down, put his robe back on, and disappeared.

    What could have been thirty seconds or thirty minutes later, he reappeared. The boy had finally regained his normal breathing, but still felt the residual warmth of the fuck. But now what?

    The man approached, staring at the boy.

    “I called you a cab. Don’t worry; the fare will be charged to me. He should be here in five minutes.”

    The man turned to leave the room again.

    “Wait!” The boy didn’t know what to say, what to do, but he knew he wanted to see the man again. Knew he could not have this be just one night. “Please, I don’t want… I… When can I see you again?”

    The man turned around, smiling. It was a warm grin, as if the boy’s response was both pleasing and unexpected. Reaching into the pocket of his robe, the man pulled out a card. Printed on it was a phone number, no name.

    “Call this number in two weeks. I can give you once a month, no more.”

    “But…”

    “No more.”

    “Okay.” He turned around and walked away.

    Somehow the boy made it home. Somehow the boy got up the next day and made it to class. Somehow the boy suffered through work. In all of this he couldn’t remember how he had done it. Friday was lost for him. His only thoughts, as he trudged through his day, were of the man.

    And now, just a few days later, breathing in the luscious scent of the tank top, the boy’s mind was right back to that fancy apartment, that engulfing couch, and the man’s cock jammed deep inside him.

    And before the boy realized what he was doing, his hand was already down his pants, stroking his cock, as he sat on his futon, sniffing his shirt, remembering his Thursday, and looking forward to his next encounter with the man.

  • Story Told

    On Tuesday night I attended Bare, a storytelling event held at the Black Cat in DC.  Part of the evening included picking a name at random from the “Bare pussy,” cocktail napkins submitted by the willing.  My name was in the pussy, but it was not pulled.

    Ever since, I’ve had the story I wanted to tell stuck in my head, begging to be freed.  So, for your listening pleasure, the following is a link to the audio file of me talking about my first night at my first kink event, Dark Odyssey Summer Camp 2010.

    My voice is raspy because it’s almost 1am and I’m tired as fuck.  Still, I just had to get this out of me.

    Story Told

  • Freedom

    Recently I was offered a full time job with a company I like. The work would’ve been nothing difficult and it would’ve paid me more than I made in all of 2010 by about five thousand dollars. I turned it down.

    For nearly the whole of my professional life, I have worked as a freelancer. I’ve spent six years in an industry that often chews people up and spits them out. I’m getting to the age where one of three things happen:

    1- You accept the fact that you will always be a grunt and just work more to earn more.
    2- You get a full time job in another line of work and walk away with the many stories from your days as a freelancer.
    3- You move up, advance, or find some other position with a company that does not work your body as hard.

    Recently I spoke about how I now have to deal with the challenges of leading more for certain companies. In my industry, I’ve kind of made it. I believe I made quite a bit more this year than last year, though I’m still waiting on my multiple W-2s to confirm this.

    Taking this job would have been smart. It would have been guaranteed work with a set schedule. No surprises, no slow seasons. Just ten hours a day five days a week, 10-99 (no taxes taken out). But I didn’t.

    The reason why my life is so brilliant currently is the same reason why I couldn’t take that job: freedom.

    I choose my schedule. Granted it is dependent upon me finding work for the days in which I wish to get paid, but that comes down to hustling. When I want to take a day off, I just say I can’t work it. If my friends plan something and I get enough notice ahead of time, I will cancel a gig. I’ve canceled with every company I currently work for and they still call me back.

    Why? Because I’m good at what I do. I show up on time (if not early). I come with not only a degree, but the knowledge I’ve built up in my six years of experience. Six years of dealing with bullshit. Pushing through when all I want to do is sleep. Being a bleeding heart liberal black woman who still works well with misogynists and nepotists and racists and conservatives.

    They trust me enough to toss me keys, tell me the warehouses to visit, pick up their gear, and bring it back. They trust me enough to send me out with a truck full of equipment, a basic idea of what the client wants, a crew of 1-3 people, and belief in my ability to load in, watch over, and break down a show.

    With my kink life soaring, with my new found status of social butterfly, I could not accept that job. I already paid for multiple events. I already planned out parts of my year. I set goals. I know what I want for the next eleven months. A full time job was not it.

    Just last year I thought I was going to get a stable and secure position in an all together different industry. I submitted an application, along with an extensive resume that included my job history all the way back to college. I interviewed, twice. I went through drug testing. I thought I had it in the bag. Then came a curve ball, and it was over.

    And ever since, I’ve been so happy that it didn’t work out. In the allure of the stability, I forgot how much I love my freedom, love that I can lead the life I now have. Love that I can be me without hiding, without (too much) judgement. Love that my life is how I shape it, not fitting into a monotonous mold.

    So no full time stable job for me, at least not in 2012. 2013…? Let’s see how the next eleven months go.

  • Bare It All

    I was nervous. Speaker after speaker stepped up to the mic and recounted story after amazing story. One man spoke about his first ever visit to a bathhouse in Ireland. Another recounted his brief but wondrous life as a child porn star. A beautiful woman spoke about finding love when she least expected it. A gentleman spun the tale of his first trip to Amsterdam. And a man with a wonderful accent told us about his first ever kink event, and why you should always take the Monday after off.

    All of this, plus the opening act, a musical performance by Kimi Lundie, was awesome. At one point my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so hard. I had a great time.

    But there was one moment where I held my breath. I had put my name in the “bare pussy” for the opportunity to step up to the mic and tell a story.

    I knew which tale I would spin: the first night of my very first kink event. I outlined the story previously today, twice, just in case I got lucky. The person picked would get seven minutes to speak. I wanted, oh how I wanted my name to be pulled.

    I was the first to submit my name. Unfortunately I was not the last. There were about five names in the bag when Jefferson pulled out a name, not my name. Instead Marcus, his friend, told the story of the first time his chest was shaved. For the vanillas in the audience, it seemed tame enough. As a kinkster, with his talk of cigars and submission along with the shaving, it was full of sexy hotness to me.

    I was disappointed my name didn’t get picked, but that is pretty much the norm for me in these situations. I very rarely have good luck when it comes to random drawings. Instead, I focused on the show, and enjoyed every minute of it.

    The gathering was a resounding hit. The line for the Black Cat was long. The show sold out. People were literally turned away. I look forward to the next installment, which hopefully will be each month. We’ll see.

    After the show, people mingled in the bar, chatting and laughing. I greeted Jefferson and BLP, met Marcus and Kimi Lundie, as well as other speakers, and had a generally good time. When we all realized we were hungry, a group of about nine of us made our way to Adams Morgan and late night falafels turned out to be just right.

    Nourished and tired, the NYC crew were to crash with Marcus at his home. After a quick car and luggage shuffle, and multiple goodbyes, our night had ended at 2am, but not before I secured a Winter Fire get together with Jefferson.

    All-in-all, a pretty fucking fantastic night.

    [Many thanks to MaryLeo, without whom my cash starved ass would not have made it into the show. I owe her about three drinks, to be paid over the next few Happy Hours, fair trade for such good memories.]

  • Be Honest

    * You want me to be honest?

    – Yes. And no bullshit. The word ‘rejection’ better not cross your lips.

    * Hmm… Well, beyond rejection. Beyond failure. Beyond loneliness and heartache, the usuals.

    – Yes.

    * The thing I fear the most is… the dark.

    – The dark?

    * The dark.

    – Really?

    * Yes. In case the power goes out, I keep a flashlight right beside my bed. It’s one of those crank ones, so it never runs out of battery. And before you ask, yes, I do sleep with a night light.

    – A night light?

    * I strung up some Christmas lights in my bedroom. They’re plugged into the outlet controlled by the wall switch. It’s diffuse, soft; I’m lulled in the dim glow each night. I used to have them strung up all over my apartment, but slowly they burnt out. So now just in my bedroom, the place I need them the most.

    – Why the dark?

    * Because. Because I don’t know what’s in it. Because I don’t want to know what’s in it. Because I don’t know what waits for me there. Because I can’t see, can’t defend myself. Because I can’t even run away; what if I’m running right to it, the monster in the dark?  Is it right behind me? Right beside me? It’s the most basic, most base, most gut churning “this must stop” fear I have.

    – [short pause] Wasn’t expecting that. Different.

    * I’m special. So what’s yours?

    – Excuse me?

    * What’s your greatest fear?

    – No no, we’re talking about you tonight.

    * And why is that?

    – This is the getting to know you phase, so I’m getting to know you. What’s the happiest day of your life?

    * [pause] I don’t know.

    – Pick a day, above all days, that means the most to you.

    * I can’t. I just can’t.

    – Pick one.

    * I can’t. [pause] Everyday, everyday I can think of, everyday I’m suppose to love is marred by a moment of hurt. I can’t pick a day; I haven’t had my happiest day yet.

    – Okay, then pick a moment. A single moment of happiness.

    * [grins, shakes head] No, I don’t want to pick that one.

    – What one?

    * It’s too…no.

    – Just say it.

    * No.

    – Say it.

    * Fine. [sighs] It was a night with my Ex. We sat on the back patio of our apartment. It was a cool summer evening. Cool, but not cold. Almost perfect. He sat sipping his bourbon. I sipped on a beer. My legs were draped over his lap. He lazily rubbed my thighs. I slumped back and closed my eyes while he looked out on the parking lot watching the last bits of sunlight fade away. We had just had some really great sex, I mean really great sex, after arguing half the day, I don’t remember about what. It was that moment that I thought, Yeah, this is it. This is what I want.  Of course that turned out to be bullshit. I was high off the two hours of wild fucking and had no idea we would break up in about a month. But right there, right then, I, we were good. So what’s the happiest day of your life?

    – [huffs a laugh] Nice try.

  • More Important

    Hanging out with the roommates and their kids was more important than writing. I had spent a little time with the kids before work on Saturday, and had opted to fill my unexpectedly free Saturday night with adult activities. I wanted to spend time with them and the roommates. I wanted to hear their stories and see them laugh and watch their creativity at work. It was a fun morning before they had to go back to their other home.

    A hot shower and masturbation were more important than writing. After the roommates and the kids departed, I slipped into a general funk. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my day. I knew the things I should do, the errands I should run. I knew I wanted to see the best friend, but she wasn’t free. I slowly made my way home with a responsible adult plan of action.

    But, as soon as I walked in the door, a fundamental fact hit me: I was alone in the house. My other roommate was gone.

    The warmth in my abdomen had not subsided since my Friday date with the Gent. If anything, it ebbed and flowed, but seemed to be making it’s way higher and higher up the hill of my arousal.

    I took a hot fun shower. I danced to my music, singing a little. I washed my hair. I enjoyed the smell of my soap, cleaning off the last few days of scents. At the end, I let the scolding water thump against my back, trying to knead some of the knots out. I made a mental note to sketch the view I had of my folded arms accentuating my cleavage.

    Drying off, I remembered I needed to clean my sex toys. The quick chore completed, I prepped my netbook to watch some of the porn N3rddom gave me. I slipped in my WeVibe. I never logged onto my netbook.

    My body was in such a state of arousal that even on its low setting the WeVibe quickly raised me to the edge of orgasm. I closed my netbook and began writhing on my bed. The masturbation music for this session was only two songs: “Tell Me A Secret” by Ludacris & Neyo and “Hey Daddy” by Usher. I repeated the first song over and over, with the second getting the last few minutes of fun.

    I inserted my blue dildo. I fucked myself, screaming as much and as loud as I wanted. My black dildo, my Lelo vibrator, and then “the lawnmower” followed. I screamed, thanking my Daddy wherever he is, and came over and over again.

    Watching football with my brother was more important than writing. I hadn’t seen my brother in almost a month even though he lives less than thirty minutes from me. I texted him before my shower, making sure he intended to view the game. He confirmed, and I headed over there after I made myself stop masturbating.

    Pollard’s assist to Smith’s interception. Pitta’s TD catch. I don’t remember who, but the dive for a TD, football in his outstretched right hand, and the face mask of a defender trying to tackle him in the other. And then Billy Cundiff’s missed kick. All I could do was shake my head to that.

    Running errands was more important than writing. After I left my brother’s place, I swung by Barnes & Noble to return a book. I looked for a new daily planner, and for some odd reason they were out. I went to the grocery store and bought food for my lunches for work for the week. I came home and prepped the food. I folded clothes. I turned on my laptop and it actually booted up. I backed up everything onto my portable hard drive. I put my poster back in the Family Room.

    Watching the end of the other football game with DeepEnd was more important than writing. It was getting late and I knew I still needed to blog, but I was hungry. I slipped downstairs for some food. DeepEnd had turned on the living room television, the only TV in the house with a converter box, and was watching the end of the game. I threw some food on a plate, heated it up, and joined him.

    The game lasted for fucking ever. Overtime. Multiple opportunities for each team to score. And, of course, the team I rooted for lost.

    Processing my emotions was more important than writing. I opened up my netbook, brought up WordPad, and started typing. The words that came were not a blog entry. They were the mind dump I’d been putting off for most of the day. They were my worries, my pain. They were not meant to be read by anyone but me. I didn’t cry, but I came close.

    I let myself acknowledge my pain and all its causes. I read back what I wrote. I saved the file, closed my netbook, and laid back under the covers.

    It was 11pm. I knew I could wake myself up early to try to write. I set my alarm for 6 and 6:30am. I laid down, then remembered to turn on my radio. With music lowly playing, I drifted to sleep.

  • 6.25hrs

    My throat is sore.

    My good karma must currently be off the charts. By some miracle, my work for this Saturday shrunk, and I found myself with a night off which I spent with the Gent at his place.

    I arrived at 7pm. At 1am, he said it was time for me to go, explicitly waiting (without telling me) for an extra fifteen minutes because he dislikes my quarter hour distinctions. I then pointed out the flaw in his plan: I was naked and also needed to pack a few things. He dropped me off at my car at 1:15am, quarter hour added anyway.

    I had his cock in my mouth tonight. It was delightful. He pushed me, trying to get me to deep throat him, softly encouraging my efforts. I sunk him in further than I had anyone else to date. I want to learn to deep throat, or, more accurately, I want to be able to control my gag reflex. I want to decide when and if I gag. I’m sure I’ll be getting plenty of practice from my friends in the near future.

    Only once during the night did I feel my dominance really manifest. I’m not sure how long I worked on his cock, but at a certain point he stopped me and got me to instead go back to working on his chest. I had previously kissed, caressed, and lightly bite his nipples.

    However, after his request for me to scratch him while I worked on his cock, I took the leap that he liked pain. I bit, hard, and gripped the muscles of his back, sinking in my finger nails. This seemed to do the trick. He began biting my neck, jerking himself harder, and he soon came.

    I was very submissive tonight, spending most of my time in some manner of undress and often the person initiating physical contact. He intentionally did not touch me til he saw fit to start playing.

    One memorable moment was towards the beginning. He wanted me to masturbate to a cum. If you read some of my previous blogs, you will learn this is difficult for me. I often need ‘assistance’, either in the form of someone else’s hand or something plugged into a wall. He was insistent. He felt I could do it. Hearing him say this got me hornier.

    I was slow to start. He, of course, wanted to watch. He had me lie so he could see my hands at work. I asked if he was allowed to help me. He said he wouldn’t touch me. That wasn’t the kind of help I had in mind.

    His voice is sexy. I can’t nail down the specific quality, other than to say it isn’t about bass or tone, but more the attitude. His quiet confidence comes across even in his speech.

    I asked him to not stop talking; it didn’t matter what he spoke about. I actually can’t remember what he spoke about as I fingered my clit. By the time I finally reached my hand down, after having switched my hips for some minutes and listening to him, I was beyond wet. We, thankfully, had set a towel down on his sofa as a precaution.

    As I began to masturbate, with his voice in my ear, I knew it would not be long before I asked for permission. He, however, made me wait; he wanted me to suffer a little. When he finally gave his consent, I thanked him and yelled my usual obscenities as my body rolled around on his couch. I loved doing this for him, cuming for him.

    I came for him many more times tonight. Twice more as I fingered myself. About a half dozen times while bent over his couch, his fingers in my pussy, his free hand spanking me. And a few rolling orgasms as I gave him head while he fingered me.

    I was curious if I would have been able to cum just from his asking, whispering, commanding it into my ear. He believed I could’ve tonight; I was that turned on. But he wanted to wait. He wanted to make me cum with his voice when he wanted. For being a novice, he sometimes shocks me with his spot on answers.

    We talked, a lot, again. I got the ten cent tour of his home, which is way cleaner than any home I’ve ever lived in. There was cold pizza, yoga demos, and a three minute meditation experiment.

    His clothes didn’t come off til right before his dick came out. I tried to kiss him all night; we still haven’t. And his penis did not enter any of my orifices, save my mouth. 

    All-in-all, it was a randomly fun night.