poeticdesires

Category: Dating

  • Is This It?

    ~ my poly adventure continues ~

    I had this ranty angry full-of-feelings blog written out earlier today. I was sitting, waiting for my car to be serviced, with plenty of time to delve into some not-so-fun topics, when I roughed out a fairly good blog entry.

    But that’s not what I’m posting today. You’ll get that one next time.

    I feel like I can’t post that blog, not now, not when my cheeks hurt from smiling, not when I feel like this.

    Some may know what the name of this particular blog entry is in reference to, and if you don’t that’s okay. I’ll explain in just a moment.

    I picked the name for two reasons. 1- I’ve been working on a project (that I’ll hopefully debut soon) that happened to feature that very line exactly one year ago; I found it quite apropos for what I’m writing about now. And 2- It was what I was thinking earlier today, what kept circling through my mind, while I had a long chat in a coffee shop.

    I’ve made it known that I’m trying out OKCupid with varying degrees of meh. Up until recently, I had mostly less-than-stellar persons messaging me, mostly looking for casual sex, which in and of itself was not a bad thing, but the lack of caring in even the initial gestures was, well, shitty.

    Recently I revamped my profile and came at OKC from a different angle: I would be discerning, and blunt, and not put up with less than I felt was worthy of my time and energy.

    This did two things. (Can you tell I like lists?) 1- The volume of my messages severely decreased. And 2- The quality of my messages greatly increased.

    Thus I found myself today going on my third OKC date.

    Being that my first two had been less than desired, I decided to give myself a carrot for the possible stick that would come. I swung through a nearby shop and glanced through their clothes. I saw a few things here and there that I liked, and I promised myself that if I just got through the date I would allow myself to come back.

    So, having perked up my attitude, knowing at the very least I would reward myself with something from the store if everything else about the next minimum fifteen minutes went wrong, I walked to the coffee shop.

    I popped open my OKC app to look up the gentleman’s name and glanced at his picture again so that I could find him among the crowd. As I stepped into the line, I looked to my right and saw a rather handsome man sitting at a table.

    Is that…?

    I checked the app again.

    Holy shit. I think that… Yes. Yes!

    I took a few deep breaths, containing my glee. My stomach growled, so I picked up a snack with my hot chocolate. I paid. I centered my thoughts, tamped down my giddiness, and waited for my drink. Everything in hand, I walked over.

    We exchanged hellos. I sat down. We started chatting. The chat lasted for longer than fifteen minutes.

    I won’t go into much more detail, but I will say this: I found myself asking, over and over again, Is this it? Is this it? Could this be a person I spend more time with? Befriend? Fuck? More than fuck?

    Obviously, I didn’t get my answer; it is far too soon, having just met him.

    Well, actually, no… I did get an answer. Maybe. Maybe this could be something. Maybe this is it, whatever it is. And that was way more than I had expected, or even hoped for, when my day began.

    As our talk progressed from the coffee shop to a few nearby stores, including picking up some more fun/funky socks for myself, I found myself smiling and laughing and genuinely enjoying my time with him. We talked Dr. Who, BSG, and the Whedonverse. So far, I really like this guy.

    What do you know? Doc was right. I just had to stay open and keep looking.

  • Three Notes On My Poly Adventure

    I guess this is going to be an ongoing random series, me talking about my poly life (or lack there of).

    1) Pedestrian Polyamory

    So I now am listening to yet another polyamory podcast. This one came as recommendation from a friend and I am loving it.

    The podcast is called Pedestrian Polyamory. Our hosts are a triad, Gavin Katz & Shira B Katz, a married cis-gendered heterosexual couple (I think all of that is true. I’ve listened to almost six episodes and that seems to be an apt description for them) and the wife’s second primary, The Transient.

    I love these guys. My first peek at them came from Poly Weekly, when the wife was featured as well as others on another podcast she is a member of, Life On The Swingset. (Yup, she does two podcasts. Someone is a bit busy.)

    The first actual Pedestrian episode I listened to was the Depressisode in which they talk about dealing in a poly relationship when one partner has depression. I think it says a lot that I listened to this one first and still kept coming back. If you can entertain me with a topic as sad as depression and make me want to keep listening for more, I think you’ve got something there folks.

    Pedestrian Polyamory wants to air once a week, but it appears closer to twice a month. They’ve not been around long, I think a year, but still I like those folks and will continue to listen to them.

    2) OKC update

    So I had my first OKCupid date today. I met a guy at a small dive bar for a drink.

    When I first showed up, there was a bartender and two other guys sitting at a bar watching a football game. Thankfully I saw they sold hard cider. I ordered an Angry Orchard and joined the guys in watching their game.

    About five minutes in, another guy walked in and took a seat. I only got a passing glance at his face. When I peeked over, I thought he might be my OKC date. I checked his picture on the site again (fuck, I love my smart phone), and confirmed it was him.

    And then I got nervous. Was I suppose to go to him? Should I wait for him to make a move?

    Thankfully the football game ended, so I had a natural reason to stand up and go over. I introduced myself and sat down.

    We chatted for about thirty minutes on normal first meeting topics: work, life in general. When the conversation veered towards kink, I could tell he was not versed in the subject.

    Around the thirty minute mark, I said it was getting late and dark (which for fall was true). I told him it was nice meeting him and then left.

    He was a nice guy but there was zero spark. Like none. At all. Whatsoever.

    I didn’t have a bad time, but… no.  I won’t be seeing him again.

    One down. How many more to go…?

    3)My book

    So I am participating in National Novel Writing Month to varying degrees of success. I am incredibly behind in my word count, but I endeavour still.

    I mention this fact because of the subject of my book. It is a day in the life of a poly person. Because I picked a super special day, all of their partners show up and interact with the main character.

    What I find kind of interesting about the story is I can see myself crafting my ideal of my perfect poly tribe. Not that there isn’t conflict (cause any story without conflict is dull as fuck), but as I write more and more I’m finding myself shaping fantasy sex scenes, fantasy living arrangements, fantasy emotional connections, and, most recently, a fantasy collaring ceremony.

    I look forward to finishing the book, even though I am so far behind, and then being able to share it with the world at large, and you, my readers, at… intimate.