poeticdesires

Category: Drunk

  • 1.8.17 Drunk Blogging

    I haven’t done this in a while. Yes, I am actually drunk. I killed a bottle of Moscato while watching the Golden Globes (#SoulGlobes #HiddenFences) and then Brooklyn 9-9 on Hulu. Brooklyn 9-9 is fucking hilarious and low key diverse. Also Rosa is hot. And Terry Crews is a walking wet dream.

    Casey Affleck is horrible. I hope he gets dragged through the mud like Nate Parker was. But he’s white, so we all know that won’t happen.

    Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are so pretty you want to punch them and then beg for their forgiveness while nursing their wounds and hope one day they like you a little.

    Moonlight was robbed. Deadpool was robbed. Moana was robbed.

    I drove enough for Uber this week to realistically pay for my bills for the month. I did a breakdown of my bills and divided by four and made that my goal for driving. I’m a nerd like that. Spreadsheets really are the shit.

    It is really annoying how I am so good at getting myself off with my Hitachi but when it comes to actual fucking I need a dick on their A-game to get me there. Most of the dick in my life is not on it’s A-game. That shit annoys me to no end. Like, we’re done when you cum but motherfucker what about my nut. Chicks’ nuts matter. This ain’t no fucking Im’ma-Get-Mine-I-Hope-You-Get-Yours bullshit. Fuck, maybe I should just be Hitachi sexual unless I know the dick is top shelf quality with a proven track record of getting me off. I’m tired of sub-par fucking.

    People say the weirdest shit when I’m driving Uber. Although it’s not weird per say. It’s the fact of them conversing in such a manner that would lead one to believe that I was deaf. Maybe you shouldn’t say racist shit about your coworkers or scream at someone on the phone. (This was actual screaming. They apologized once they hung up, but I was happy I was carrying my knife at the time.) Just saying. Rich white people rides are the worst. The high pitch lilting white chicks hurt my ears. The entitled older couples who pretend to be interested in me for like five minutes I can do without. My favorite rides are the people who don’t talk or the black/POC fam who actually connect with me as a person. I hate-love my side hustle.

    I’m super scared about not getting into med school this year, even though I know that just means I have to try again in the spring. It’s my head being my head.

    I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were 100 pounds lighter and wore makeup. Soon after that thought floats up, I also realize I would hate such a superficial me. But, then again, she’d probably already be married, baby on the way, in a thriving medical practice to boot. Or sugar daddied, which wouldn’t be a bad thing necessarily.

    Some parts of my life are filled with luck, to the point that I feel guilty about it. And then some parts of my life are heaving piles of shit on fire. So, I guess it all balances out.

    Should I audio record this one, too. Hmm…

    Fuck it.

  • Drunk Blogging

    [FYI: I’m writing this while tipsy.  My apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors.  Yes, even when I’m tipsy, I worry about these things.]

    I was going to name this blog ‘Size Queen’ but since I’m tipsy, I wanted to keep up with the drunk blogging tradition.  I publish about one or two of these a year.  I wonder if anyone actually reads them.

    A few days ago, a friend of mine got three of their fingers in my ass.  Tonight, at a company holiday party, I bowled with my Ex.  He was on my team along with two other people.  He was the first person to ever fuck me in the ass.  My first ex tried, but he didn’t do it right and it hurt, so I stopped him.  My Ex did it right and fucked me in the ass and it was kind of awesome.

    I want someone else, well actually many someone elses, to fuck me in the ass.  I have this fantasy I might try to make happen at Fusion where many someone elses fuck me in the ass.  They’ll be wearing leather.  It’ll be totally hot.

    My friend who got their fingers in my ass thinks I’ll be able to get a fist in my ass eventually.  I learned two great terms from some of my friends.  ‘The Impossible Dream’ is getting fucked in the ass with a cock or strap-on cock while the cock/strap-on owner is also fisting your cunt.  ‘Bridge and Tunneling’ is getting fisted in both the cunt and ass.  I want both of these things to happen in my future.

    Lately, I’ve been quite ass focused.  It wasn’t til recently that I realized how much I love being fucked in the ass.  In my most recent masturbation sessions, I’ve started with putting my butt plug in, which only takes a few minutes now (pats self on back), and then riding my Hitachi.  I’ve cum harder with just my plug in my ass and my Hitachi on my clit than I ever thought possible.

    Did you know orgasms start from the sacral nerve?  Know where the sacral nerve is located?  Near your butt.

    I already have a Tardis cunt.  I love my Tardis cunt.  And people love fisting my Tardis cunt.  But could I develop a Tardis ass too?

    To be fair, one of my friends already has a Tardis ass.  His anal skills far surpass my current abilities.  I am quite envious of his ass.  But maybe, with practice, I could come close to his level.

    People who fuck me: Please go for the ass more.  I would be so appreciative.

    That is all.

  • Drunk Blogging

    My roommate DeepEnd makes the BEST Long Island Ice Teas.

    Haven’t done this in a while. Blogging while I’m drunk. But I didn’t want to go to bed without blogging, cause if I wait til tomorrow morning, I’ll either blog or run on the treadnill, but not both cause then I’d have to wake up way early.

    I was SO horny today that I masturbated for like an hour. And then my roommates made fun of me because I was worried they’d be like offended by the noise, cause I can get loud, what with the screaming and stuff. But then SkinnyBitch was like, “The first time I hung out with you a guy hand his fist inside you for like two hours.” And I was like, “But ya’ll know I’m uber polite.” And it was funny.

    Amethyst makes the best Crescent rolls. They were just what I needed when I was lying on the couch watching Private Practice for a few hours.

    Before I was downstairs practicing my self suspension, before the Long Island cause only stupid people rig when they’re drunk. Yeah, so I practiced tying myself and I totally rocked it. I got myself in a sideways suspension and was on the ground tying my left leg into a Futomomo (learned that term at Shibaricon), and then pulled myself up and secured my hip harness and tied my leg up and was like, “Yeah. This is awesome.” And I tied a one-handed ankle cuff on my right leg and attached the wraps around my chest to my ring and pulled up and ankle and it looked so cool. And then I realized I had no one around to take a picture, and that kinda sucked, but then I remembered I’m going to Fusion and I was like, “Yah know what, I’ll do this again there and get someone to take a picture.” Cause I don’t have any pictures of my tying myself and no one knows you’re a rigger, let alone an awesome one, unless you have pictures of your work.

    I’m suppose to be tying two of my friends at Fusion. And tying myself. And hopefully getting tied. Yeah, I think my Fusion gonna be awesome.

    I was talking about it with the Gent today. He called me, cause I had a nightmare about him and woke up and texted him and he told me he was okay and that made me feel better. But then he was busy tonight so I couldn’t see him. But then he called and my new iPhone 4s was being stupid and he mistakenly hung up on me and I was screaming at my phone in DeepEnd’s care and SkinnyBitch was like, “You know that’s inanimate (wow, I think I spelled that right) object and it can’t hear you.” And then DeepEnd was like, “Yes it can. My phone has an app that responds to when I yell.” And I would have found their conversation really funny except I hadn’t talked to the Gent in a really long time. But then I got him back. And we talked for a little.

    He’s not coming to Fusion. I had this awesome fantasy of him magically appearing, possibly at my abduction, but that’s why I called it a fantasy, cause it’s totally not going to happen. But at least I’ll get to see him when he’s back from his work trip.

    So yeah, I’m gonna have an abduction at Fusion. That, I’m sure is gonna be an awesome blog post. This one…I don’t know about. But then again the last time I did this, which was like a long time ago, people seemed to like it. So yeah.

    PS. So my friend’s blog, no two of his blogs, cause he has like three, were hacked and I’m not happy about that. I read his blog. I like his blog. I really like his blog cause then I get to read his thoughts on stuff and he’s really insightful and wise. And it gives me a piece of his life while he’s far away and busy. So whatever this Saudi Terrorist bullshit hacking of my friend’s sites is needs to go away so I can have my blog posts back. Dammit!

    Okay, time for bed. I have work tomorrow. And Sunday. And family obligations Monday. So I should, well, sleep. Yeah, that. And then wake up and run on the treadmill because it makes me happy. Not because I love it when people notice I’ve lost weight. Or when my clothes fit better. Or when it’s easier for me to suspend myself. Or that I feel more sexually confident the fitter my body gets.

    Yeah, sleep now. Stop typing, Kristen.

    So SkinnyBitch introduced me to My Drunk Kitchen on YouTube. I’m probably gonna watch those tomorrow. And then read this blog, cause I’m not gonna spell check it or anything. Cause, well, I’m drunk and it’s more funny this way.

    Once every couple of months makes this refreshing, right? Not, like, stupid, I hope.

    Bed now.

    So there is this guy… NO! Bed now.