poeticdesires

Category: Overweight

  • The Fat Note

    I got my first fat note the other day.  For those of you who don’t know what a fat note is, pull up a chair and learn.

    A fat note is when someone, either anonymously or not, sends you a letter in the mail telling you about a new diet craze or a way another person was able to shed lots of pounds.  Yes, people actually do this.  I once witnessed my mother receive an anonymous fat note, with a newspaper article attached. 

    I received my first fat note from, of all people, my father, about a week ago.  At the time, I just ignored it.  Okay, that’s a lie.  I let the emotions seethed inside me until I finally let out some of my frustration to my SO (though thankfully not at him).  And my SO, at times the more practical and level headed in our relationship, told me to tell my father everything I was laying before him.

    So what did I do….?  You guessed it, I ignored the fat note.  That is, until my father just called me.  Like just now.  His fat note concerned the latest craze in weight loss cure-all, the acacia berry diet. 

    I have never been one to subscribe to diet trends.  I know why I’m the weight I am: 1) I do not live an active lifestyle (translation: I’m a lazy bitch who rarely exercises.) & 2) I do not practice portion control (translation: I often don’t give a shit about what, or how much, I eat.). 

    I know what I have to do to loose weight.  1) Live a more active lifestyle (translation: Get my ass of the couch and go for a walk, or do the yoga DVD that sits on top of my DVD player but gets ignored, or dance around the apartment til I’m a sweaty mess.) & 2) Maintain portion control (translation: Stop eating Burger King & Taco Bell & Mama Lucia for dinner (al)most every night.  Just because they are less than five minutes away and practically on your way home does NOT mean you should take them up on their offers.  You buy food; eat it more often.)

    Of course, everything comes down to execution.  With my, at times, erratic schedule, I stop caring about what I eat if it gives me an hour extra sleep.  If I’m going on a gig that will last all day, sometimes I rely on the food places around the venue rather than pack my own meal.  And, unfortunately, my SO is not a good influence.  There have been times when I’ve eaten dinner, he’s come home late, and on the way back calls me and asks what I want from BK or Taco Hell.  And I (al)most always cave in, asking for a small fry & small drink, or a small sandwich & drink, thinking the smaller portion is better.  What would really be better is if I just said no.  But self control is not my greatest strength.

    I recently heard a scientific study proved junk/fast food is as addictive as any narcotic (heroine, cocaine, etc.).  I believe them.  Just the thought of fast food can linger in mind for days.  I’ve actually said to myself on a Monday, “You can have so&so fast food if you wait until Friday.”  I did this, thinking I would forget about my craving.  But that didn’t happen.  My ass remembered my thought and then indulged my craving.

    This is most definitely not how I want to live my life.  I don’t like how I look, don’t like how I feel.  Shopping for clothes just doesn’t happen, unless I need something for work, because I know the sizes won’t fit.  Trying to find an outfit for my friends’ wedding was an ordeal, a sad & frustrating ordeal.  And don’t get me started about swim suits.

    I want to make a change, but my father’s good intentions do not help.  He wants me to come by and pick up the acacia berry juice he bought for me, tomorrow.  And I will go because I love him.  But there needs to be some recognition that there is no magical pill, or magical drink, that’s going to help me loose 60 to 100 pounds.  Only I can do it.  It’s just hard to do.

  • Making A Real Effort

    About a week and a half ago, I joined the local YMCA. First of all, IT’S HUGE! It’s like the size of a middle school. Seriously, it’s big.

    [Aside: Oh my gosh, we are disgusting. And by we, I mean my SO & I. Seriously, I kiss him before bed each night. I do silly girlly, I-would-hate-myself-if-I-saw-myself chic talk, both at home and over the phone. We are gross, though thankfully not when anyone is around. Sorry bout this; my SO called to ask me to meet him somewhere other than work later on today. Now, back to the post. /Aside]

    I found the Y on a Wednesday, stopped by on Thursday, and signed up on Friday. We were lucky enough to sneak in while they were waving the $100 joining fee. Instead, we just spend $75/mo for unlimited access during business hours, as well as a host of free classes.

    Speaking of free classes, my ass is making a good faith effort to get to the gym. There is a 5:45a Studio Cycling (Spin) class MWF. I was able to make it last Monday and this Monday, but both Wednesday & Friday last week the SO needed to be at work at 6a and 7a respectively, making it a no go for classes those days.

    Lessons I have learned thus far from my YMCA experience:

    1- Waking up at 5a isn’t so bad, as long as you go to bed by 10:30p.

    2- Bike shorts are a gift from God, well worth the $85 I spent on two pair.

    3- Anyone, and I mean anyone, can handle a Spin class. My first day was hard, but my instructor insists on going at your own pace. The ages ranged from me (the youngest) up to a woman who, most likely, gets a Social Security check each month. And all of us did fine.

    4- Resistance is beautiful torture. I did not anticipate how hard the class could be, if you push yourself, nor did I know how good I would feel each time I left. Yes, my legs burned and my bum wasn’t roses and sunshine, but I felt good. Really good, in fact, which is why I want to stick with it.

    5- Weight training is in order. Spin is awesome, but there is nothing like strengthening your muscles and joints. My plan is to do Spin Mondays and Fridays, leaving Wednesdays for free weight fun.

    I have a plan. Now I just have to stick with it. Who knows? I may end up in such good shape next year, I will not laugh when a work colleague asks me if I want to train for a triathlon (which is what happened on Saturday, including the copious amounts of giggling.)

  • Stepping Into the Fray

    Monday I attempted to attend Sen. Ben Cardin’s town hall meeting on the campus of Towson University. When I arrived, I soon found around 2000 people were there before me. I knew instantly I would not get in.

    I had already planned on recording my experience through photos and audio. Since I was not going to make it inside, I walked around, took pictures, and recorded my conversations with people.

    Here is my story, in pictures and sound.

    I made this sign the day before, using art supplies left over from college, some sharpies, and the top of a document storage box.

    Audio: at work, gearing myself up to go

    Audio: the drive to the meeting

    Audio: traffic

    Audio: helicopter

    Audio: just arrived

    slight misspelling

    Audio: O’Malley & Sarbanes chants
    (Martin O’Malley is the current Democratic governor of Maryland; John Sarbanes is the current Democratic representative for Maryland’s 3rd district, a position formerly held by Sen. Cardin.)

    Audio: signs
    The Pro HCR crowd and various signs.

    Audio: describing an almost argument
    Pictured below.

    Audio: so many people; hot day

    Audio: line growth

    Audio: reading Anti HCR signs

    Audio: Ladies, Canadian wait time fliers
    Two young ladies were passing out fliers, comparing wait times for Canada versus wait times in the US. One said she was going into the medical field, as well.

    My rebuttal to their assertions: Audio: A Canadian!
    I was so happy to speak with an actual Canadian about HCR. He spoke about how he had the same surgery in both Canada and the US, and it took longer to have it here.

    Audio: Pro HCR conversation
    Spoke with the gentleman picture below. (Note to self: Need to work on getting faces into shots.)

    Audio: multiple commentaries spliced into one
    Kids playing, holding Pro HCR signs, their Mom watching while sitting in the grass.

    Audio: Pro HCR conversation
    Spoke with woman who had intense conversation with gentleman shown below.

    Audio: part of the reason why I was there
    Spoke with same woman about my situation.


    Audio: Anti HCR conversation
    I spoke with the man pictured above. It is a long conversation, occasionally going off topic. He was nice enough, even though I do not agree with his views.

    Here is a trio of pictures I took during a heated conversation that day. Some Pro HRC folks stopped the escalation.

    Audio: shirt lady
    I helped a lady take off her over shirt and we spoke about why she was there.

    Audio: explaining AstroTurf & gentleman as weakness

    Audio: lead up to Green Shirt
    Me trying to be ambitious.

    Audio: aftermath
    Me getting teary. He was not a nice person.

    Audio: Pro HCR conversation
    Quick conversation after I spoke with Green Shirt. Made me feel better.

    Audio: Pro HCR conversation
    Gentleman says one of the reasons people are here is because of who is in office.

    Audio: commentary
    “Why so few?” chant reaction.

    Audio: commentary; Pro HCR chant
    “Get a job” is your answer to HCR?
    Hummer driver anti HCR = ironic

    Audio: Anti HRC conversation – couple
    The lady and gentleman I spoke with in this snippet were seated rather close to the street. At times, the noise from the chanters drowns out some of what that were saying.

    Audio: overheard conversation; $1 a month
    The gentleman in the white shirt had a conversation with the woman and gentleman sitting on the grass. White shirt, in the audio clip, is the one asserting that paying $1 a month can keep medical bills at bay. I tried to interject myself into the discourse.

    Audio: Pro HRC conversation with duo
    The gentleman shown below agreed to hold my sign while I walked around. I spoke a lot with the lady shown. She was very sweet. In the audio clip above, they speak as to why they came. She talks about her troubles with the health care industry, along with her ongoing medical problems.


    Audio: gentleman from before checking in
    The gentleman in the first photo below spoke briefly with me before he left. In our short conversation, we spoke about how it was important people were talking, even if they weren’t changing minds.


    Audio: two Pro HCR conversations
    Spoke with a lady and a gentleman holding signs. She wanted to show there are people for the reform. He said our problems won’t get solved on this street, but he was still there.

    Audio: conversation with sign-holder before he left
    In this exchange, we talk about elections, family & friends, and politics.

    Audio: others documenting experience
    Musing on not being the only one with a good idea.

    Audio: Pro HCR – a president of nonprofit
    He is the gentleman in the tie. Next time, I will get his head in the shot too.

    Audio: lit sign
    Note: After looking at the second (not shown) sign again, Gov. O’Malley is actually depicted holding a binder with papers. I guess it was suppose to symbolize a bill or law.

    A few commentaries towards the end of the event.

    Commentary

    Commentary: after the meeting was let out

    Commentary: leaving

    And my last words on the subject later night.

    Final thoughts, before bed.

  • It’s Official

    We are now cohabiting.

    This past week has been a sweaty, long, humid affair. We had to move all of my crap out of the 1BR into the 2BR w/ a Family Room. Granted the two buildings are about 500-750ft apart, but half of the trek was on grass. Not fun. Besides hauling way too much stuff from one floor to another, our errands included, but were not limited to, the following:
    – dismantling the Fios DVR boxer and router
    – waiting for the Fios guy to install new DVR boxes and router
    – cleaning for 2 1/2 hours last night
    – dropping off the keys and rent checks through the rest of this year this morning
    In total, it took 4 separate days to get it all done. However arduous it all was, though, it’s over.

    Well, at least my part of this torturous affair is complete. My stuff is officially out of the old and into the new place. Nothing is clean. Everything is everywhere, but it’s there.

    Stage two of this affair starts in a week. My SO is going away to beat people with sticks. Anyone else been to War? I hear it’s fun, though if I went I imagine all I’d do is read, knit, or crochet. I’m not the hitting-people-with-sticks type, but to each their own.

    In the interim, I’m going to try to make sense of the tornado that is our apartment. My SO’s stuff will join mine once he’s returned next Saturday. He leaves tomorrow morning.

    To be honest, I am both looking forward to and dreading the coming week. We are with each other every day. It’s been two years since the last War my SO attended, and I’m not ashamed to say it sucked. A whole week without the person you love is not fun, not matter the level of freedom is gives. But, with my SO out of the way, I will defiantly get a lot done. And, frankly, I need to in order to fit anything else in the place.

    I planned out my weekend, figuring filling it up will keep me from thinking too much about the seven long days I have ahead. Saturday I’ll be spending with friends. And my mother is coming over Sunday to help with the mess.

    I’m thinking my Mom will have laundry and kitchen duty. (The place has a washer & dryer in unit. I love our apartment.) It’s enough to be substantial work without taxing her too much. I like the free labor, but I’d be lying if I said my mother was the cleaning type.

    As for me, I’m thinking I’ll attack the desk nook (Family Room). Currently, I have notebooks and papers strewn all over, along with CD’s and books. I’m going to buy a dresser to organize the notebooks and papers, and I have a rather large bookcase for the rest. This can get done, but it requires me to not be my normally lazy, procrastinating self. We’ll see how it goes.

    In the interim, I really need to start kicking my ass. I saw a recent picture of myself and wanted to vomit. I ignored the fact that the photo was of me and my best friend, who is very pregnant and cute, and fixated on my arms and my stomach. I literally said, “I’m fat” out loud, realizing we were about the same size. So, while my SO is away, I’ll be getting up and doing yoga before work.

    I’ve also been calculating my calorie intake, which has been horrible. Since nothing is organized and there is literally stuff everywhere, I haven’t been able to cook. We’ve eaten fast food at least one meal (if not more) a day for a week. That will stop tomorrow.

    So, yeah. We have an apartment together. This is real commitment. Did I mention I’m scared shitless? This is the first person I’ve lived with since my first relationship, which ended when my boyfriend was arrested and taken out of the house while I was at work. Long story.

    Anyway, on a lighter note… nope can’t think of anything. Going back to work now.