the life and musings of a kinky slut
Boys are stupid. Boys. Are. Stupid. But if I keep giving boys second and third and twenty-sixth chances, I think that makes me stupid too. It doesn’t take much to placate me. The occasional call or text. A conversation. An acknowledgement that both you and I are still alive. Really, not much. Honesty, respect, simple […]
“I don’t have that effect on people.”“Now I have to call bullshit.”We sat in the Dining Hall. It was Monday morning, the final moments of camp upon us. I was tired, having spent another late night out. I’d already finished eating my meal and was relishing the last few minutes I had before I was […]
Part of my last session with Doc focused on the idea of life goals. For this week’s homework, he wanted me to make lists of my life goals/desires. He encouraged me to be detailed (“Use that writing of yours.”) when describing what I want. In some ways this task is easy. In others it is […]
“I keep accepting these little pieces of people, and being so incredibly happy with them, which I think is incredibly shitty. It is so much like my mother, and I don’t want that. A friend recently told me I keep settling for small bites when I should be demanding the whole entree.”“Yes, but first you […]
Background: There was this boy. His name was Alan. I really liked him. He was smart and cute and a genuinely sweet person. We went to the same school and often were paired near each other because our last names both began with the same letter. I liked Alan a lot, but, being nervous, I […]
You’d think by now I’d know how to do this. In my almost twenty-nine years on this earth, I have spent by far more of my time uncoupled and alone than with someone. And yet… During my last session with Doc, he talked about how everyone on this Earth has two basic fears. 1- Not […]
I walked away quickly, checking that I had everything as I went, when it struck me… My neck was bare. Rushing back to the guard post, I asked him if he had my necklace. I dropped to the floor and looked all around his station. Standing, he said he had found it. His stand was […]
“Because you don’t require a commitment for you to be in their lives, they never had to make a decision with you. In your effort to avoid the pain of rejection you have this other painful feeling [of never having tried].”Twice, less than a month apart actually, I learned two people I care for started relationships with someone […]
Time. Time is the most precious gift any individual can give. We don’t know how much of it we have on this earth. The greatest punishments we can levy are taking a person’s time away, or ending their time all together. (Or, worse yet, filling their time with horrors.) I was speaking with a friend […]
“Feelings are not facts.” – Doc, on my need to put others first because if I don’t I feel like a bad person. He subsequently pointed out that often the ways we use to avoid pain in fact cause us more pain; my putting others first only reinforces my belief that I am worth less […]