I haven’t done this in a while. Yes, I am actually drunk. I killed a bottle of Moscato while watching the Golden Globes (#SoulGlobes #HiddenFences) and then Brooklyn 9-9 on Hulu. Brooklyn 9-9 is fucking hilarious and low key diverse. Also Rosa is hot. And Terry Crews is a walking wet dream.
Casey Affleck is horrible. I hope he gets dragged through the mud like Nate Parker was. But he’s white, so we all know that won’t happen.
Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are so pretty you want to punch them and then beg for their forgiveness while nursing their wounds and hope one day they like you a little.
Moonlight was robbed. Deadpool was robbed. Moana was robbed.
I drove enough for Uber this week to realistically pay for my bills for the month. I did a breakdown of my bills and divided by four and made that my goal for driving. I’m a nerd like that. Spreadsheets really are the shit.
It is really annoying how I am so good at getting myself off with my Hitachi but when it comes to actual fucking I need a dick on their A-game to get me there. Most of the dick in my life is not on it’s A-game. That shit annoys me to no end. Like, we’re done when you cum but motherfucker what about my nut. Chicks’ nuts matter. This ain’t no fucking Im’ma-Get-Mine-I-Hope-You-Get-Yours bullshit. Fuck, maybe I should just be Hitachi sexual unless I know the dick is top shelf quality with a proven track record of getting me off. I’m tired of sub-par fucking.
People say the weirdest shit when I’m driving Uber. Although it’s not weird per say. It’s the fact of them conversing in such a manner that would lead one to believe that I was deaf. Maybe you shouldn’t say racist shit about your coworkers or scream at someone on the phone. (This was actual screaming. They apologized once they hung up, but I was happy I was carrying my knife at the time.) Just saying. Rich white people rides are the worst. The high pitch lilting white chicks hurt my ears. The entitled older couples who pretend to be interested in me for like five minutes I can do without. My favorite rides are the people who don’t talk or the black/POC fam who actually connect with me as a person. I hate-love my side hustle.
I’m super scared about not getting into med school this year, even though I know that just means I have to try again in the spring. It’s my head being my head.
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were 100 pounds lighter and wore makeup. Soon after that thought floats up, I also realize I would hate such a superficial me. But, then again, she’d probably already be married, baby on the way, in a thriving medical practice to boot. Or sugar daddied, which wouldn’t be a bad thing necessarily.
Some parts of my life are filled with luck, to the point that I feel guilty about it. And then some parts of my life are heaving piles of shit on fire. So, I guess it all balances out.
Should I audio record this one, too. Hmm…
Categorised as: Drunk
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