Cause if you don’t, you could end up like I was tonight: swimming in a pool of jealousy, self doubt, worry, and general crapitude.

The only things that kept me from running home, curling up into a ball, and crying myself into an uneasy sleep were the four Margarita’s I drank. As I attempted to sober up, my drunken giddiness kept me talking, kept me engaged, and helped me fight my little hater.

I find my life is really hard during this time of year. With my job, it’s feast or famine. Since the feast has officially started, I’ve thrown myself into gigs, working over a week without a day off. But, as I’m making good money, it always feels like I’m loosing out on time with the people that matter most to me. If I don’t schedule it, I can go a month or more without seeing anyone outside work. I start to doubt my connections, my confidence wanes, and the little hater inside me is pleased as punch.

Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m single. Don’t get me wrong; I will not run into a relationship just because sometimes I’m a little lonely. But I must acknowledge the fact that my unease tonight would not have been as severe if I had someone to go home to. Having said that, there is no one, NO ONE, in my life currently who I can imagine filling that role. So, for the foreseeable future, I’ve gotta figure this shit out on my own.

Thankfully, I didn’t run away. In the end, I had a good time. And I’ve had confirmation of my awesomeness over and over again, including tonight. For now, that’s enough.

Categorised as: Emotional | Little Hater | Rant

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