the life and musings of a kinky slut
I had a feeling this would happen. I didn’t finish these posts before I left for Rope Camp, and now it is a struggle to dig through the recesses of my mind to find these memories. Luckily, I journaled and voice memo-ed about my time. I am nothing if not efficient. So now, Sunday Part […]
When describing myself as poly once, a work friend in a triad ‘corrected’ me. “Honey, you’re single. You’re not poly; you’re just a slut.” Now while the second point is quite true, as anyone who has read my blog or simply had a conversation with me can affirm, I disagree with the first. My current […]
The further out I get from Fusion, the harder it has become to write these recaps. My life has taken some rather pleasing twists and turns, leaving me with little time or energy to invest in these posts. Still, I feel I need to finish, if not for my own personal pleasure in recounting my […]
I have visited the same adult club twice and both times I have left in tears. Tonight’s adventure was eerily similar to the first; in both instances the Dominant I needed let me down. And so I am left wanting, hurting, unable to express the emotions I had hoped would surface through physical pain. At […]
What to write? Well, I could always write a re-cap of my camp experience, which, trust me, you would love reading. And I would love writing. And maybe I’ll do that later. But right now, I just kinda want to blabber about how I feel in this specific moment and time. And yes, it will […]
Tonight I had a panic attack. In my car, on my way to my gig, my heart raced; panic and dread and fear grappled through my body. But still, I kept driving. I’m nothing if not reliable, especially when it comes to work. I know, specifically, why I loathed going to my Load Out: PTSD. […]
I forget that I’m awesome. I forget people notice my awesomeness. I forget how awesome it feels to be around people who acknowledge my awesomeness and are, themselves, awesome. I forget I’m not the only one in pain. I forget other people have problems, pasts with similar emotional landscapes, and have the same insights on […]
I’m trying to not be annoyed. I understand the circumstances of the situation, even though the action was completely unnecessary. I get it; just to me, that was very dumb. I’m trying to not be jealous, even though, once again it feels like I’m an after thought. In fact, this time, it feels like I […]
“You are not unwanted.” “I wanted to use the drumsticks. I was looking forward to playing with you.” “My head was is the wrong place. Normally, I push through, but I already had three off scenes.” “If we had played, it wouldn’t have been how we normally are. It would have been bad.” “We care […]
I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, but he did. At first, I tried to push down the pain, swallowing it like a bumpy pill; no good. I retreated to the bathroom, closed the door, and quietly wailed, silently screamed my pain. Still, no good. Soft, high pitched screams forced themselves out of me. […]