poeticdesires

the life and musings of a kinky slut

2016 Motivation

Be brave. Be kind. Be confident.

It’s another year for all of us to try and do better for ourselves and those around us.

Randomly reflecting a few weeks ago, I thought back to when I used three words to help steer my year. And that year was a good one. So, again, I’m giving myself a little direction, this time to help with my 2016.

I’m pretty much scared shitless when it comes to most things in my life: school, work, kink, and love. But I make myself do all the things that scare me because I know fear is transient, memories are far more valuable then I ever anticipate, and allowing myself the terror makes the triumph that much sweeter.

As I struggle, giving myself breath and calm makes it easier. Learning that vulnerability is not a defect is something I am constantly exploring with Doc. Talking with him is helping, slowly and steadily.

I am smart. I can do this. And, if I tell myself enough times, I will believe it. Despite the negativity and stereotypes and general shittiness that is the life of a black woman in America, I can and will be the best bitch I can fucking muster.

Okay 2016, here I go.


DGG#24 RambleGrue, Baltimore Grue, and more

This is my second podcast with other people in it.  Five friends joined me after our Baltimore Grue to talk events, communities, rope, and more.

Time Jumps

0:00 Intro and Introductions
1:00 Alternative Consent Models
5:00 Law of Two Feet
8:05 Poly Self Awareness
10:45 Antisocial Elitism
11:15 Great community or great people?
19:20 Australia Grue20:40 RambleGrue
27:40 Did you play?
31:25 In praise of Charm City Play Space
35:00 Boobs and Ass and Kinky Douchebags
38:30 Other upcoming fun things
40:10 My friend Feenix
41:10 Exhaustion
42:10 Rope classes, the amazing and the awful
54:00 Bacon and wrap up

 


DGG# 23 Fusion 2015

A recounting of my Fusion adventure this year.  Enjoy…

Time Jumps

0:00 Intro and disclaimer
0:55 Upcoming Events2:35 NerdGirl Update
4:30 Fusion recap begins
6:00 Gratefulness Journal
7:00 Wednesday
8:15 Bootblacking Everywhere
9:10 Whiskey Ginger Sprite
9:40 Thursday; NerdGirl Masochist
11:00 Seattle Folk
11:50 Extreme-itorium
12:40 Invest in an Umbrella
13:35 Friday; Sybian Ride
16:40 Happy Hour Farewell
17:25 Blues Dance
19:00 Double Trouble
20:00 Saturday; Mother Nature
22:30 Bridge & Tunneling
25:50 Sunday Pampering
27:00 Queer Glitter Orgy
30:05 Birthday Scene
31:00 Vigil
32:00 Dirty Pig
34:25 CBC
36:45 Cocoa on Oink’s Porch
38:00 Wrap Up

 

And as an extra bonus… (recorded at the Pittsburgh Grue)

 


Dear Donald Glover

I know you’ll never read this, and that’s okay. Still, I needed to write you this letter.

I posted a half-silly tweet earlier today after seeing your movie. I say half-silly because a part of me, and it is not small by any measure, sees something in you that draws me in. I see a spirit I want to be around, a person I want to get to know.

It starts with your eyes. I love looking at your eyes. There is a lightness in them, a bright joyful invitation for happiness to become a part of everyone’s world.

And then there’s your smile, wide and full. When you smile, I can’t help but smile back. I can’t help but feel glee whenever my lips react to your lips, and I become a smiling fool.

But then you speak. 

Yes, you are beautiful. No one can deny that. But your words, your mind, your sexy sexy brain. Your looks make me blush. Your thoughts melt me whole.

I actually remember the moment when I decided to buy Camp. I was listening to the preview snippets and you made reference not only to Rugrats but also to Fresh Air. I was hooked. I knew your music was for me.

Each time I’ve heard you since, as few and far between as they have been, still reinforces all I see in you: intelligence, thoughtfulness, and a way of seeing not only culture from a broad lens but also the nuance of the individual.

You’re kind of amazing, which makes this letter so bittersweet. You’ll never read, never know, there is someone out there who, if given the chance, would just want to sit and talk with you for hours. Pick your brain about society, and cultural identity, and the reshaping of what it is to be in this time while occupying this space.

I’d want to verbally spar with you, and then somehow find a way to connect with you, to be with you. Really be with you with. Because your lips I so want to kiss. And your breath on my neck is a thought almost too much to bare, but I would gladly succumb to it.

Alas, you are you. And I am me. And the likelihood of us ever having that conversation, or any encounter, seems infinitely less likely than you ever reading this, which seems as improbable as, I guess, finding love always is.

I still haven’t found it. I don’t know if I ever will. But at least you occasionally make me smile, and make me think, and give me hope that one day I’ll find another pair of bright eyes, with a wide smile and a sexy brain, to hold close at night.

Until then, thank you for your introspection, reflections, and thoughtful musings, as well as the occasional laugh.

Sincerely,

Poetic


All Things End

“I heard things with you and Gray went sideways.”

“Yeah, they did.”

“Well just know he takes full responsibility for it.”

“That’s comforting to hear.”

Gray and I have parted ways. He messed up, badly. He apologized, I believe sincerely. But what happened was too much for us to stay as were. Such is life sometimes.

And, as always, life goes on.


I Feel (drunk blogging)

~randomness~

I feel like shit, lost at the end of rope irregularly knotted, worn and frayed, swinging in a hollowing wind.

Have you ever been so sad you sobbed for the whole ride home in your car?

Have you ever ugly cried, the tears and the snot clinging to your face, your throat so sore because your wailing was so long and so loud?

Have you ever not wanted to talk to anyone, not see anyone, desiring only the solace of a drink and the dull oblivion of dumb television?

Have you ever wondered why? Why do they all appear to be so different yet it all ends up the same? Why, when I thought things were going so right, did they end up so wrong?

I know what I want, yet I never seem to get it.

I thought I was Barney. Or maybe Robin. Or maybe Marshall, kind of. How did I end up becoming Ted? And not flashbacks Ted. About to move to Chicago, needs a new start because fuck why does my life suck as compared to those I love around me, how will I ever find love, Ted. Weepy no fan likes him, Ted.

Tonight, whiskey is my friend.

Tonight, I’ll sleep alone, fap alone, and wonder if I will always be alone.

I see Doc on Tuesday. We have a lot to talk about.


Snuggles and Romance

Fucking Gray is so much fun.

I never expect sex with him, even though it is a part of our dynamic, and, when we have it, the act is consistently amazing.

I find that entering any scenario with little expectation yields the best possible results. And thus I’ve translated this mindset to the vast majority of my life, including my kinky fun times.

At the Carolina Grue, I had no other expectation than to get to hang out with Gray for a bit, possibly a meal or two, enjoying his company and nothing more. We had planned to play, but Grue’s are intense experiences. I know from past crashes that one cannot bank on having any energy after a day of expending it all.

Yet we did play, and damn if we didn’t have a fucking awesome go of it. I suppose we were due. We hadn’t seen each other in about six months.

Yet still, what seemed like twenty minutes to me was actually an hour of cigar play, a bit of mean rope, cocksucking, and fucking me over a table which happened to be covered in flowers. I am not a romantic person, but a small part of me hopes the scent sense memory of that fuck sticks around. Its usefulness could end up being immeasurable.

As for this past weekend at the Grue Pitt 4, I knew I was going to spend a great deal of time with Gray. I was actually a bit giddy at the prospect. We crashed in what I have dubbed the kinky commune: the home of two good friends who have a tendency to house awesome kinksters when they are in town.

Gray and I pre-arranged to share a bed, which I presumed meant cuddles and nothing more. Friday night, us both stripped down to nothing (the usual way we rest together), I again found my head on his chest and his arms around me.

What from others is a grope, Gray turns into a comforting embrace. As he fondled my breast, I still considered this cuddling. My breasts serve little other purpose at the moment than to be the playthings of those I allow to touch them. I happened to say this to Gray.

I think this is when the cuddling took a turn.

He gripped my breast harder, sinking his fingers deeper into my flesh. My breathing changed. He got meaner still, attacking the nipple. He switched to my other breast, treating it much the same. Delicious pain and pleasure swelled. He reached his free hand down and rubbed my clit. I gasped, but tried to keep my sounds low. There were, after all, others in the house trying to sleep.

My modesty didn’t last much longer. He sunk his fingers into my pussy. My breath grew ragged.

“No. Not yet.” He answered the question my body was begging to ask.

I turned my head into the pillow to try to quiet my breath and slid a hand down to massage his cock. Instead, he pushed my head down into his crotch.

I took him into my mouth. He pulled my legs over his chest. He nipped at my thighs. I yelped, but settled back onto his lips. I sucked his cock and balls while fingering his asshole as he ate me out like no other.

I asked him after how he did it. How did he eat me out? What was his technique?

“I don’t know. I just eat you out.”

I was sorely disappointed in his answer, but so very overjoyed in his skill.

When Gray eats me out, the orgasms are plentiful and overwhelming. He has one rule for me: I have ongoing permission to cum when he eats me out so long as his cock is down my throat. I gagged to my heart’s content as wave after sultry wave crested across my pelvis and down my legs.

Gray, by far, gives me the best cunnilingus I have ever had.

At one point, I was riding his face while lapping up his balls and fucking his cock with my breasts. He came on my chest and his abdomen, but he didn’t stop eating me out. And fuck, I didn’t want him to ever stop. As his orgasm had grown and gone, mine had swelled, fell, and swelled again. I licked up his cum as I rode his face and knew there was no other fuck I wanted to ever have more than the one I was having.

And we weren’t done yet.

He ate me still longer as I continued to suck his cock. He then pivoted us to the side. With his cock still in my mouth, because I wanted it no place other, his fingers found my pussy again. He pushed. I sat onto his hand. And then his fist was inside of me. I almost felt spoiled at how much fucking we were having in just one night.

Almost.

I came again, clamping down on his hand. Gray likes that sensation, the feel of my very hungry pussy not ever wanting to let him go.

Okay, maybe I am just a little bit spoiled. But fuck, with sex like that, who wouldn’t be?

 


DGG#22 Grue-pie Chat

In this latest podcast, I am joined for the first time by my mutual Grue-pies, IPCookieMonster and Evan.  We chatted in the car on the way home from the Carolina Grue this past weekend.

WARNING: Set your volume low to start.  We all were still high from our adventure and spoke quite loudly.

Time Jumps

0:00 Jumping right in

1:07 Cookie’s Rope Bottoming Class

5:47 The Fishbowl

10:18 What is Dominance? (aka Can Domming be a verb?)

15:57 Beyond 24/7?

21:24 Dinner break

23:08 Metal sex

28:27 I’m not romantic

31:15 What’s a Grue-pie?

33:05 Why Cookie’s a Grue-pie

39:44 Why Evan’s a Grue-pie

42:28 Why Cookie’s a Grue-pie (part II)

45:37 Why I’m a Grue-pie

47:40 Wrap up

 


He Likes Feet

~ erotica ~

“May I?”
“Um, okay.”

I laid across his couch, and across him, as we watched Hulu. It was a cold evening, his house a bit chill, so I hadn’t thought about taking off my boots. But then he asked, gesturing at the leather in his lap.

“You don’t have to unlace them. There is a zipper on the side, if you just unsnap that flap.”

My jeans were cuffed to show off the jump boots I’d found in a thrift store a few weeks ago. I loved them so much; they were the only shoes I’d worn since that purchase.

He ran his hand down from the toe of the leather to the top of the boot, then eased up the snap, loosing the flap. The sound echoed in his small living room. That was when I noticed I was holding my breath. As he drew the zipper down the length of my boot, I sighed. He, however, never looked up from his ritual.

Gripping my calf in one hand and my heal in the other, my leg rose as he pealed off my right boot. When he went for the sock, I protested.

“It’s cold.”
“You know, I’ve never seen your feet.”
“Really?”

I hadn’t actually thought about it. We’d been friends for years, but had only been dating for about a month.

“Yes.”
“Well, will you keep them warm?”
“Yes.”

His fore fingers hooked at the top and drew my sock down from my knee. His nails tickled my skin. I bit my lip to keep from giggling. Any time I gave him any tell when it came to tickling me, he was merciless. When he’d bunched up the whole of the fabric on my foot, he pinched the toe of the sock and pulled off the length. After folding it up, he placed the sock inside of the boot.

I rolled my hips, bringing my left foot into his purview while tucking my right foot in between his thighs for warmth. To my great shock, I brushed his hard cock restrained within his jeans. I heard his brief inhale. His eyes darted towards me.

I didn’t know what to say. I could see the desire in his gaze. On accident, I had discovered something he’d never told me in our years of confidence.

As much as I made myself ignore it for far too long, whenever our eyes met I could feel his hands all over me. It was intoxicating and overwhelming, and often I’d quickly look away. This time was no different. My eyes went to his lap.

“You still have one left.”

It sounded more cheeky than I intended. His grin formed in my periphery.

He turned back to my boot. Repeated his order as before. I watched the care, the intention with each motion. As he worked, his thighs hugged my ankle. I felt his still erect cock the entire time.

When he finished, he lifted my foot from between his legs and placed both my feet in his lap. He began caressing them, then massaging them.

His touch grew firmer. My breathing became heavy. I let my eyes close and my head roll back.

“Shit, you’re good at this.”

He raised my right foot. I gasped as his teeth sunk in.

“Oh god.”

I writhed on the couch beside him. He bit my arch, then sucked. His lips encircled the ball of my foot. He licked in between my toes, then put all of them in his mouth. I intermittantly sighed or cried out.

When he released my foot from his mouth, he turned his entire body towards me. Kneeling on the couch, he made to straddle me. I caressed his cock with my feet as he leaned in for a kiss. His hand guided me as my toes brushed up and down, up and down. His lips moved to my neck, his free hand gripping my hair, pulling my head to the side. Even so, I bit his nearby ear, then whispered to him.

“So nice to know there are still things to learn about you.”

 


DGG# 21 Sexy Shameless Plugs

Happy to be back with my first podcast in quite some time.  I think the result is well worth the wait.  Time jumps listed below…

0:00 Over 18 disclaimer and intro music

0:50 Long time no podcast

1:40 Seattle Grue

3:00 RambleGrue

4:05 DO Surrender

5:00 Random back pedally moment

6:05 Brain Lingerie

9:30 Speak