poeticdesires

the life and musings of a kinky slut

No Expectations

I didn’t go into the party expecting to play.  The invitation promised good food, tasty drinks, and friends.  That’s all I needed.  Still, I dressed cute and literally let my hair down, an act I don’t often do.

People were slow to arrive, but the house eventually filled up with some of my favorite people.  We feasted on turkey, sweet potatoes, and various desserts.  We drank wine and cocktails and recounted stories.  I was happy I attended.

In my social circle, it doesn’t stay normal for long.  After dinner, people began grinding on each other.  Hugs were close, long, and featured wandering hands.  Finally, one person was bent over and their behind was assaulted by two people at once.  The play of the party had started.

I ventured downstairs.  While sitting and chatting, a friend asked me to tie them up.  They wanted painful rope.  I was happy to oblige.

I lashed my friend’s leg into a tight futomomo.  I similarly secured their opposite arm.  I attached the two limbs together with a taut line hitch.  I then stepped back as the other person in the scene began playing with my friend.

As I waited while they enjoyed their fun, a second friend admired my rope work and then asked to beat me.  I consented.  Before our scene began, I gave my second friend a quick rope lesson on the futomomo tie.

Right before we were to start my beating, my first friend asked to be untied.  I loosed their binds.  They thanked me for my work.  I was happy they enjoyed their tie.

My second friend sat in a chair while I sat on the floor.  They used their elevated state to put more power into their punches.  They struck my chest and my shoulders.  My body ached from their strikes for a few days.

After my beating, I went upstairs for a cup of water before coming back downstairs.  As I entered, a third friend approached.  When my third friend and I had initially greeted earlier, they scritched my head.  Seeing my positive reaction, they gripped my strands tighter.  I then asked them for hair time later that evening.  My re-entry to the downstairs sparked the granting of my request.

They seized my hair, then rolled it this way and that.  They bit and nuzzled my neck.  Their free hand wandered over my body.  They pulled my head back for a kiss.  My eyes closed, I let myself get lost in the sensations.  They whispered to me, “We should do more of this at Winter Fire.”  I agreed.

After my hair time, I went back upstairs, went back to chatting with friends.  A fourth friend and I talked about our plans for Winter Fire.  We have a traditional scene we both were looking forward to.  And then I asked a magical question.  “Where is your kit?”

Back downstairs we went.  In a private room, we closed the door and shared a stare.  They put on a glove.  I crawled across the bed, hung my hips over the edge.  It took no time for their fist to slip in.  I screamed, cursed, moaned.  I told them how I’d missed their fist in my cunt.  And I came over and over again.

Going into a situation with no expectations can be comforting.  It’s no loss whatsoever if nothing happens.  Going into a party with no expectations and then having more fun than I had imagined possible: priceless.


Biting

Teeth are not sexy.  Yes, white straight teeth can make a person seem more appealing, maybe a bit more attractive, but teeth themselves are just a part, not a feature.

However, when a fuck buddy snuck up from behind once and whispered into my ear as a greeting, “I gonna bite your cunt,” before they bear hugged me, that shit was hot.

I am amazed, at times, how much biting can turn me on.  How nuanced what a seemingly simple sex act can be.

There is a spot, right where my neck meets my shoulder, that unfortunately does not get as much attention as my slutty nature would love.  When people sink down into that flesh, I feel instant arousal in my cunt.  My legs become jelly.  I find myself both grabbing their hair, pulling them in more for the bite, as well as grinding my hips into their crotch.  Biting my neck right there has gotten me almost to the point of orgasm.

Certain sections of skin are more sensitive than others.  When my stomach or my inner thighs have been biten, the sexual exchanged turned from hot and bothered to torturous and cruel.  I went from moaning in pleasure to whimpering through the pain.

My skin takes up bite marks really well.  In a memorable impromptu scene, a friend sunk their teeth into multiple spots around my neck.  My friend is very good at biting; for this particular exchange they latched on and held.  I yelped, then moaned, then ground my hips onto my seat.  When they had biten each side of my neck, as well as the back of my neck, they were so impressed by the indentations in my flesh that they pulled out their phone and took pictures.

When I reminisce about the different types of biting I’ve experienced, I’m put in awe by the varying range of places and circumstances.  I’ve had my feet biten during a foot worship scene.  I’ve had my breast biten so hard and for so long at the same spot that a nickle shaped bump lingered long after I walked away.  My ears have been nibbled while making out.  My ass has been biten in the midst of the two of us rolling around on a bed while naked.  And yes, my cunt has been biten.  I gave a delicious scream when my fuck buddy did it, held on, released, and then bite me again.

Biting, remarkably, is one area where the switch in me likes to come out.  While vigorously masturbating, or in the midst of really good sex, I’ve brought my own wrist to my mouth and sunk in.  For those partners who will allow it, I’m a big fan of biting their necks in the same spot I love.

However, what I especially enjoy is attacking nipples.  I’ll start slow with my stimulation, licking around the areola and flicking my tongue at the tip.  Then I’ll graze my teeth against the nipple before surrounding the base and letting my teeth clench.  I’m slow when I bite down, knowing each person’s pain tolerance is different.  It is a delicious taste to have another’s flesh in my mouth, compressed in between my teeth, as well as experience the sensation my damn self.

I am a big fan of biting.


Five Years

For Christmas, while shopping for my friends, I bought myself a ‘Q & A a day’ five year journal.  The premise is simple: one question for each day in a year for five years.  The tagline reads, “365 Questions, 5 Years, 1,825 Answers.”

I started writing in my new journal Christmas night.  Currently I fill its pages, a few lines at a time, just before bed.

I like the comfort of it, the consistency.  I like having something to look forward to each night before I lay my head down to sleep.  And already I’ve enjoyed reading back the short passages, the small windows on my days.

The brown book with black writing lives on my bed, sharing space with Tessie.

A smart man might call what I am doing a practice.  I will not disagree with such an assessment.  But I will glean yet another incite into my purchase.

The next five years will likely include some of the starkest changes of my life.  I am already in school, though just barely.  Eventually I will be a graduate student.  Afterwards, another piece of fancy paper will adorn my wall; letters will precede my name.

I want to find a life partner, possibly start a family.  I hope that adventure will start soon.

I have made something of a name for myself in our world, and am just now seeing what my enthusiasm for kink and sharing it with others can lead to.

Right now is an exciting time in my life.  I am looking forward to living it, and eventually reminiscing on all that is to come.


Grateful, Naughty Edition

He noticed I wasn’t wearing any underwear.  That made me smile.

A few nights later, he fucked my face while praising my intelligence.  Oh.  So.  Hot.

~

They didn’t care that I was on my period.  They taped down a chuck and went on with the show.

For a moment, I was the center of attention.  I felt hot and sexy, washing away the shame I had around fucking while bleeding in a fun and playful romp.

The two of them are some of the best people I know.

~

Having me lie on top of him, pressing against him.  Being able to be around me, if only for a night.  He was happy to see me.  I was happy to have him in my home.

~

I don’t know if he’s kinky.

He’s green.  Very green.  He occasionally drops cringe-worthy comments.  (No, my pegging you is not me taking your virginity.  How many times have we fucked?)  He never really knows what he’s talking about.

I keep explaining.  He is learning.  And, until he gets it, until he knows if this is for him, the fucking and good conversations will do.

~

My year was full of amazing sex.

I attended fourteen events.  Fourteen; it’s hard to wrap my head around that.

I met new interesting people in new and interesting places.  I left pieces of myself as I went.

Looking back on my year, I can’t help but be grateful for every fuck.  Every fist.  Every kiss.  Each piece of rope.  Every piece of leather.  And each whiff of the sweet smell of cigar smoke.

To everyone who was a part of my sex life in 2013, an orgasm and a sigh at a time, I am so grateful for all of you.


Grateful, Nice Edition

I sat at the kitchen island, my latest Santa hat beginning to take shape.  As everyone began to form a circle, I put my project away, stood, and held hands with a brother on each side.  My older brother, in whose house we all stood, was on my right; he said the blessing.

After his prayer, I took up my seat at the island again.  My younger brother sat to my left.  A baskatball game played on the television above the counter across from us.  One of my nieces sat to my right.  We three waited patiently watching the game as our elders prepared their plates first.

Another relative sat at the end of the island feeding my great-nephew.  Until that moment, he’d been the tiny tornado causing all types of little kid trouble in the kitchen.  With food in his mouth, and soon filling in his belly, he had finally calmed down.

My older brother and his wife buzzed about the stove and serving tables making sure everyone was happy and getting well fed.

For the entirety of the Christmas family dinner, I had an at times awkward, but always grateful, smile on my face.

~

I can’t remember where I was when I got the email.  I only remember reading it and thinking, Really?  Really!?!  And a grin so huge it hurt sprung onto my face.

I know I screamed, though again I don’t remember where I was.  I don’t recall calling attention to myself in the act, so I was probably in my car.

It is one thing for friends to praise my writing.  I am grateful for every blog comment and link from another site I receive.  But there is a sweet satisfaction in an acceptance email from a publisher.

It may be just one story in one antholoy, but it is enough to keep me going, enough to keep me hopeful.

~

I’m not sure when my classmates realized it, but I do remember the first time I felt it.

It was the first day.  I sat front row in both my classes.  I’d already read the first chapter for each professor.  I’d already studied the elements my Chemistry professor recommended in her email, and I’d already taken notes for my Biology lecture.

From the first day, though I didn’t quite believe it, I felt like the know-it-all Nerd Girl again.


Bad Pain Bad

For the past week I have suffered through the worst back pain I have ever experienced. It hurts when I stand up or sit down. It hurts when I bend for things. Occasionally it hurts if I sit a certain way or twist my hips.

This shit sucks.

I took for granted my mobility until it was taken away from me. A simple act, such as loading and unloading the dishwasher, is now a torment. Washing my hands in the restroom. Putting on socks. Everyday moments I gave no particular mind to are a struggle.

One of my coworkers gave me the information for their chiropractor. I will call as soon as I wake up tomorrow.

At first I thought this was simply my body’s reaction to work slowing down. Since my job is physical, I thought my body would simply rest and then return to normal. But I am not getting any better.

Yesterday the possible culprit dawned on me. Just before Christmas I attended a company holiday party at a bowling alley. I bowled three games while tipsy and then woke up achey. I initially wrote it off; now I’m afraid I can no longer wait for things to magically get better.

My main coping mechanism for pain is crying. Many times in the past week I’ve stopped myself from even starting. This isn’t the fun pain of a scene, the joyous wave of sensation I’ve sailed before. This is the bad kind of pain, the scary kind, where I don’t want anything else but for it to stop.

I hope it will, soon.


Drunk Blogging

[FYI: I’m writing this while tipsy.  My apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors.  Yes, even when I’m tipsy, I worry about these things.]

I was going to name this blog ‘Size Queen’ but since I’m tipsy, I wanted to keep up with the drunk blogging tradition.  I publish about one or two of these a year.  I wonder if anyone actually reads them.

A few days ago, a friend of mine got three of their fingers in my ass.  Tonight, at a company holiday party, I bowled with my Ex.  He was on my team along with two other people.  He was the first person to ever fuck me in the ass.  My first ex tried, but he didn’t do it right and it hurt, so I stopped him.  My Ex did it right and fucked me in the ass and it was kind of awesome.

I want someone else, well actually many someone elses, to fuck me in the ass.  I have this fantasy I might try to make happen at Fusion where many someone elses fuck me in the ass.  They’ll be wearing leather.  It’ll be totally hot.

My friend who got their fingers in my ass thinks I’ll be able to get a fist in my ass eventually.  I learned two great terms from some of my friends.  ‘The Impossible Dream’ is getting fucked in the ass with a cock or strap-on cock while the cock/strap-on owner is also fisting your cunt.  ‘Bridge and Tunneling’ is getting fisted in both the cunt and ass.  I want both of these things to happen in my future.

Lately, I’ve been quite ass focused.  It wasn’t til recently that I realized how much I love being fucked in the ass.  In my most recent masturbation sessions, I’ve started with putting my butt plug in, which only takes a few minutes now (pats self on back), and then riding my Hitachi.  I’ve cum harder with just my plug in my ass and my Hitachi on my clit than I ever thought possible.

Did you know orgasms start from the sacral nerve?  Know where the sacral nerve is located?  Near your butt.

I already have a Tardis cunt.  I love my Tardis cunt.  And people love fisting my Tardis cunt.  But could I develop a Tardis ass too?

To be fair, one of my friends already has a Tardis ass.  His anal skills far surpass my current abilities.  I am quite envious of his ass.  But maybe, with practice, I could come close to his level.

People who fuck me: Please go for the ass more.  I would be so appreciative.

That is all.


The List

I forget how we even got on the topic.  We were sitting around chatting after a rather fun day and the subject came up.  What was everyone’s number?  How many people had each of us had sex with?

I honestly didn’t know mine.  For the past few years, I simply stopped counting.  Sitting there in their living room, I couldn’t begin to guess.

I began recalling names, ticking them off on my fingers.  My first ex.  My rebound.  My Ex.  My first fucks in the scene.

But then I had to clarify.  What was our definition of sex?  Did oral count?  What about fisting?  Strap-ons?  I ended up creating the definition myself to suite my needs.  Everyone else followed along.

Sex was penetration of a hole (pussy, ass, or mouth) with a penis or penis-like object, as well as fists, and any oral sex.

I opened up my phone, pulled up the Notes app, and began writing.  1, 2, 10, 20…

I started with just the men.  Some names easily came to mind.  Others brought smiles or less than pleasant memories, though not usually centered around the fucking.  Quickly, I had a double digit number.

But then I kept remembering more names.

The guy who I invited to my old apartment.  He wore women’s underwear as he fucked me.  He was the first ass I ever explored besides my own.  He called himself a faggot as I fucked his ass with three of my fingers.  I never invited him over again because he annoyed me in our text exchanges afterwards.

The guy who fisted me at that event.  I had been feeling down.  He was a friend.  He asked, not having ever done it before.  The experience brought me back to a happy event head space, and he truly enjoyed it.

The guy from work I fucked once.  He was crashing at my place for the night.  I made him a drink and we talked outside in the back in the dark.  And then he kissed me.  We fucked in my basement and he fisted me too, the first time he’d ever done that.  I never told anyone about it because he asked me to keep it quiet.

One after another, more and more encounters popped into my mind.  Each time I recalled another experience of pleasure, I cursed (“Son of a bitch!”) and added a new name to the list.

As my friends started to talk about their lists, I decided to start my second list, this one with all the women I’d slept with.  My men only list already surpassed the other lists in the room, but at that moment I wanted to honor the depth and breadth of my sexual experience.

My second list was about a third as long as my first.

I didn’t talk much as the others in the room spoke about their sexual experiences.  I simply sat back and marveled at how I, who had lost my virginity at 22, had come so far in eight years.  (Pun not intended.)

With a few days of this information marinating in my mind, I’ve come to better understand it when I whole-heartedly identify as a slut.

I love sex is its varied and wonderful forms.  I love to fuck multiple people in different circumstances.  I enjoy momentary encounters as well as long running connections.  I seek out new sexual experiences, as well as work to increase my prowess in the skills I already possess.

More than once, I’ve been told I was sexually intimidating.  Because of my up front and honest views on sex.  Because of my assertions of what I want.  Because of my experience.

It wasn’t until I, just a few days ago, consolidated that experience into a varied, and quite sexy, list of names that I truly got why some find me intimidating.  And also why I happily identify as a slut.

I can only hope that my list continues to grow as more new and fulfilling experiences come my way.


Beautiful

I didn’t understand it, I didn’t truly see it, until I saw her.

She was taller than me.  Her skin was darker than mine.  She was bigger than me, probably a few dress sizes larger.  But her body shape was the same as mine.  And she wore a dress like one I own.

As she danced, her hair out and wild, her body moving with full abandon, I saw it.  I saw the thing others have seen in me.

I saw why people find me beautiful.

I was tired.  Exhausted really.  I’d worked for fourteen hours the day before and only gotten three hours of sleep the night before.  I managed a short nap before this particular gig, and I was buoyed with the knowledge that it was to be short.

Except it wasn’t short.  The times had been mixed up.  This would be a long gig as well.

I felt deflated, almost ready to cry.  My only solace at the moment was that my favorite work friend was with me.  At least I would have her company as we waited out the party.

Because of circumstance, I found myself near all the action.  My moving light board was sandwiched in between the bar and the DJ.  I had to be able to see my lights and hear the music as people danced.

The crowd was slow to pour in, slow to get themselves out onto the dance floor.  I stood by my board and began ticking off the minutes til we could pack up and leave.  But then a small crowd formed, and she was among them.

As I watched her move, watched her let her body go to the rhythm and be fully herself in the moment, I remembered times past where I felt that.  A smile plastered across my face that hurt from its intensity.  A rush of endorphins as every nerve on my skin tingled.  Glee in the moment, the hot lust in my body, the abandon of just being me.

Logically I know I’m beautiful.  Logically I know I’m attractive.  I’ve fucked enough people who I find to be utterly gorgeous to know I stand among them, at the their level.  But I don’t always feel beautiful.  I don’t always feel sexy, hot.  I don’t always know why people want to be with me.

But, standing there behind my light board, watching her dance, I saw in her what others had seen in me, a reflection of my true beauty as another reveled in her own.

I ended up dancing alongside my coworker as we enjoyed the DJ’s skills and fed off the energy of the crowd.  What I thought was going to be a horrible evening turned into one of my most enjoyable gigs ever.

And I learned a valuable lesson that night: To be one’s self, wholly and completely, without reservation or hesitation; that is beautiful.


A Perfect Spring day

~ a story ~

 

He was gentle when he kissed her, pushing back her hair behind her ears and cradling her chin in his hands.  He was gentle in the way I remembered, the way I still think about before I fall asleep at night.

It’s been six months since our last kiss, since the last time he pushed my hair back behind my ears, and cradled my chin in his hands, and I got lost in his lips.

I saw them across the quad on my way to class.  It was a beautiful Spring day, the first really good day we’d had in months.  I could have enjoyed it if I didn’t have a paper to turn in, an exam to study for, a project to work on, and a professor asking me to look into internships because I had such great potential.

My backpack was overfull.  My arms juggled coffee, and my lunch bag, and rolls of drafts I needed to work on.  My brain was overfull with everything I needed to do that day, and in the next week, and for the rest of the semester.

And then I saw him.  Saw them.

I stopped.  For a moment, it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

The Sun was shining, and the fucking birds were chirping, and everyone around me was smiling and making their way to class.

And I just stood there, as my Ex embraced a beautiful girl on a perfect Spring day.