poeticdesires

the life and musings of a kinky slut

Her & Him

~ erotica ~

HER: I saw him from across the room.

HIM: I tried to not notice her gaze.

HER: I’d seen him play before.

HIM: I’d noticed her presence a few times.

HER: The women were always beautiful, always the most beautiful in the room.

HIM: I tried not to look at her.  She was just so striking.

HER: But tonight he lurked as I often did.  Standing on the fringes.  And watching… me?

HIM: But tonight I didn’t want to ignore her, didn’t want to pretend to not see her.  I wouldn’t look away.

HER: He moved towards me.  I didn’t know what I would say.

HIM: I went towards her.  Measured steps.  My usual gait.

HER: He came closer.  I didn’t know what to think.

HIM: A few footsteps from her skin.  Her frame.  I knew what I wanted, needed.  Those eyes.

HER: His eyes were locked on me.

HIM: Her gaze.  I wanted it to be mine, only mine, if only for a moment.

HER: He was a breath away; I couldn’t breathe.

HIM: My hand knew what I wanted before my mind could say.  Fingertips on her neck.  Pushing her back.  Two steps and she was against the wall.

HER: And then the thud of flesh to wood.  The exhale and surge of adrenalin.  Feeling his breath on my skin.

HIM: Her eyes stayed with me.  Her mouth open, begging me.  Her neck, soft flesh under my touch.

HER: His body so close to mine.  His heat a pulse away.  His hand on my neck.  And his lips, the mouth I wanted on mine.

HIM: I saw the flutter in her eyes.

HER: I felt the tingle in my muscles.

HIM: She slipped.

HER: I dropped a bit.

HIM: And then again.

HER: I held myself up as long as I could.

HIM: Her knees gave in.  I held her against the wall.

HER: His hands surrounding my face.  His knee in my crotch.  And my body reacting without my will.

HIM: The heat of her.  The smell.  I wanted a taste.

HER: Even as I floated midair, held by him, my muscles came back, moving in the ways I wanted but had dared not say.

HIM: She wanted me.  I felt it in her body.  Felt it as her muscles regained themselves.

HER: I had nowhere to hide.  Nowhere to run.  And, for once, I didn’t want to.

HIM: ‘Please’, she whispered.

HER: ‘Please’, I begged.

HIM: Please, for my kiss.

HER: Please, for his kiss.

HIM: I brought my face in close.

HER: His nose brushed my nostrils.

HIM: My cheek across her face.

HER: His stubble tickling my skin.

HIM: Breath against her mouth.

HER: His lips so near mine.

HIM: I grazed her lips.

HER: Please, oh god please.

HIM: But I stopped,  stepped back.  And then I…

HER: But then he stopped, stepped back.  And then he…

HIM & HER: walked away.


Reminder

Sometimes it’s easy to forget.  With time and space away from a situation, you can lose details, nuance to it all.  Occasionally, though, life reminds you of what you’ve forgotten.

Because of random happenstance, I not only saw my Ex at work tonight, which occurs from time to time, but I actually had a decent conversation with him.  And we worked together a bunch.  And it was kinda fun.

Initially I sat with him and chatted as we waited to begin our load out.  I joined him in his truck.  He apologized for the smoke filled cab.  I felt it wise to not mention how used to smoke filled rooms I’d become.

As we talked about nothing of particular import, but nonetheless found ourselves laughing, I looked over at him and remembered, Right.  I actually liked you.

I had forgotten I liked hanging out with my Ex, before he became my Ex.  I forgot we shared a dark and sometimes wry sense of humor.  I forgot about the deep bass voice.  The smile, when I could glean it.  The dominant air about him.  And the way I felt when I was around him.  Safe.  Cared for.  Protected.

For the briefest of moments, there was temptation.  For five seconds maybe, I wondered what it would be like to be with him again.  I wouldn’t be the me of seven years ago, new and unknowning.  Nor would I be the girl who four years ago somehow mustered the courage to end it.

I would be the now me.  Poetic Desires me.  Fully realized confident kinky submissive and service top me.  The bootblack.  The cigar slut.  The fisting phenom and proud dirty pig.

Yet, even as I recalled the layers of our past, the same reasons why I left him remained.  He and I want two very different lives.  He is not as emotionally mature as I am, nor is he trying to be (that whole never calling me his girlfriend and never saying ‘I love you’ part still hurts like a bitch) .  He said some kinda fucked up shit (for instance, refusing to fool around while I was on my period, calling it “crime scene sex”).  And he did some kinda fucked up shit (namely the one big incident that made me end it all).

However things played out, though, I feel it is a disservice to myself to forget the good parts.  I was with my Ex for three and a half years for a reason.  He was intelligent, whitty, caring, and protective.  He was kinky and I was searching.  He was a big part of my journey.  I need to honor that, even as his influence on my life has subsided.

The night ended with my Ex giving me a high five.  I like to think it was his was way of saying, Yup, the situation is a little awkward, but I still like you too.


How Will I Meet You?

Will you be a fellow classmate, concentrated on learning, career oriented, yet we make a connection that lasts beyond school?

Will we pass each other at an event, a play party?  Maybe a happy hour or a munch?  Will we get to talking, flirting, and then our lives grow from there?

Will it be random?  A Metro ride?  A work encounter?  The grocery store?

As I drove back from Atlanta this past Sunday, I was sad.  This happens at the end of all my adventures.  Once it is all over, I have to actively pull myself away from a place of caring and acceptance of who I am.

But, during my car ride, I realized another truth.  Part of the reason it hurt so bad to leave Atlanta was because I wasn’t going home to someone.

No one warms my bed at night.  I don’t have a lap to curl into, a person who listens to me bitch about my day.  I don’t have a cheerleader, a co-conspirator, a life partner.

As I drove, staying awake through six hundred miles of road, I screamed out my frustration.

I want to meet my husband.  I want to have him in my life.  I want the arms to fall into, the breath on my neck, the eyes I call home.

So when is it going to happen, life?  Have I already met him?  Maybe someone I haven’t noticed yet?

When will I meet my husband?  When will we start our lives together?  Because this waiting shit sucks.


Your Jacket

You loaned it to me when I forgot my Zim hoodie.  I wore it at night at Rope Camp, zippering up against the chill and guarding myself against the occasional sprinkle.

I donned it when I dropped you off at the airport.  I half expected to give it to you off my back.  And then I thought maybe, when you flew away having not asked for it, you had actually left it for me on purpose.

It came with me to Seattle.  I fell in love with the city with it on my back.  Three plastic spoons lived in the left pocket from the three different frozen yogurt places I partook of on my trip.  Its cotton warmed me during my only night at Paradise.  I draped it across my legs on the long plane rides home.

It came with me back to Ramblewood again, this time for Summer Camp.  I was quiet, and thoughtful, and that was okay.  My glittens joined the spoons.

I wore it the first day I was at ease going back to school, and every other school day since, except today.  My stress ball lived in the right pocket.  I got used to reaching for it, and then tossing it about as I waited for class to start.

When I got your first text asking if I knew where it was, I was a little disappointed.  My having it was simply a laspe in memory.

When I received your more recent text, I was sadder still.  My time with it ended sooner than I anticipated.

I took out the spoons, the glittens, and the stress ball when I washed it for the first time since you loaned it to me.  The night before my Atlanta drive, it was an item on my to-do and pack lists.

I wore it one last time on the ride down.  For seven hours it graced my arms, and then my hips when the car warmed up from the rising Sun.

It was a good luck charm; I wore it for each of my quizzes and exams, until today.

It was a snuggly comforting little piece of you for a while.  When I lazed at home on the couch watching Netflix.  Or warmed myself against a brisk evening tucked tight under my covers.

And, when I got one of the worst phone calls of my life, I wiped away snot and tears on the sleeves.

For a while, it was my favorite hoodie.

So yes, I liked your jacket.


Dark Secret Love – A Review

“This is so awesome and so horrible because it is exactly what I want.”

I sat in my car, tears threatening my eyes.  I’d started the book the day before, found myself captured by the world Alison Tyler had created.

My driveway moment happened because of one sentence.

The journey in kink of the main character Sam, a pretty twenty-something submissive woman in Los Angeles trying to find her way, has brought her to a moment with a man.  And this man, after she has disappointed him yet sought refuge his arms, tells her, “Tonight, I’m ‘Daddy.'”

That one sentence gave me pause, both from its emotional weight and for sheer hotness.

In Dark Secret Love, Alison Tyler admits to blurring the lines.  We don’t know if the scenes she paints are real or imagined, full of memories or whimsy.  In the Introduction, she speaks of her guise.  Sam, in some ways, is a stand-in for Alison herself and the stories possibly pulled from her own life.  But what parts, what intricacies are real?

As I breezed through the novel, I felt myself pulled along Sam’s journey.  The men she meets, the encounters she has, are enthralling.  I found myself turning page after page, losing time as I progressed, never wanting to the pause the story.

Not only does Ms. Tyler paint a vivid picture of our main character and her world, she also introduces us to multiple dominant personalities.  And none are ever as they first seem.  Nuance is given to not only to Sam’s story, but also to the men who nuture or destroy her.

As Sam dealt with challenges, both personal and professional, I occasionally wondered how much of herself had Ms. Tyler described.

Most of my curiosity, of course, had to do with the incredibly hot scenes, not one of which felt forced or included just to rev up the sex appeal.  Each titillating experience was born from the person or persons Sam connected with, the situation she found herself in, the decisions she made to embrace her desires and be honest about her true self.

I loved reading Dark Secret Love, loved winding my way through Sam’s journey.  And, I must say, I was truly saddened when it ended, a finality that came too soon for my affections towards the story and its main character, as well as my desire for more hot smut from a woman who is great at writing it.


Tickling

Senior year of high school I was cast as The Nurse at a local all boys high school’s production of Romeo and Juliet.  Towards the end of the run, there were a few cast parties.  I remember one in particular.

This party I wore a warm sweater over a low cut shirt.  I wore the sweater on the way to the party, and took it off once inside.  And then my sweater was stolen til I had to leave.

In the interim, one boy in particular started paying attention to me.  I found this a little odd, since it seemed like he barely noticed me throughout the run of the play.

We talked a bit, but then he began to tickle me.

I am very ticklish.  Immediately I started laughing my head off.  I wriggled, squirmed.  I smiled and cackled and greatly enjoyed this new found attention, all because I’d chosen this particular shirt.

As the night wore on, I drifted here and there in and out of conversations.  He followed me, attack tickles when I least expected them.

There were parents at the party, and I was a bit selfconcious, their eyes occasionally on the two of us.

Once, he came up behind me, danced his fingers over my skin, and I bent over laughing as I had before.  Then I saw one of the parents look at us in a way that screamed stop.  My hands went to the boy’s hands and gracely pulled them off my body.

When it was time to go, I remember all of a sudden feeling dejected.  I realize now it was because, for the first time, I was the center of attention for a boy and I didn’t want that to end.

As an adult, I can glean more from my giggly time than I realized in the moment.

The way I looked at the boy each time he ceased his torment, my breath heavy, my skin flushed.

How, even when he was semi-stalking me, I reveled in the attention.

Urges, desires deep down that I didn’t recognize or understand, but enjoyed.

It was flirtation, physical and intimate.  His chest against my back.  His hips against my ass.

And I was oblivious.

I don’t mention it much, but I actually love to be tickled.  Because I am so reactive, the laughing puts me instantly in a good mood.  And the experience also has the lovely side effect of my rapid arousal, I suspect from my memorable teenage experience.

When thinking about tickling in general, I know I have a skewed view.  There is the vanilla representation of it being playful, which I completely agree with, but I also finding it incredibly sexy.

Two or more people, bodies near or against each other.  One intentionally exploring possibly intimate places to garner a visceral reaction.

To quote a local community leader, That Hot.

 


e[lust] #51

potter Photo courtesy of Property of Potter

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #52? Start with the newly updated rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

 

7 (Random!) Suggestions for Dominant Types!

Pain Positive

i know what you are.

 

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Golden Girl

Have You Met Larry

 

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Poetry

Shown
To Punt or Not To Punt, That is the Question

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

SexyLittleIdeas – Why PUA Is Like Feminism
Understanding When His Glass is Full
To Minxy Malone, Thanks For Everything
Biting the Bun
The List (is a waste of time)
Confronting Your Sense of Entitlement
What Do You Prefer: Cut or Uncut?
My Secret Relationship with Max
Quaint Little Categories
Erectile dysfunction isn’t a big deal

Erotic Fiction

Property Procured
The Delight of Leather
Christmas Eve Surprise
Granny’s Door
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Nine
Jessica
The Edge of the Park
Trust
The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice
The Spanking Paddle-Off
Used, Using, Endless

Erotic Non-Fiction

I Want You To
Love like a lotus
Bend to my will
Spanked
How you helped me to stray
Little Lightening Bolts v. Rayne’s Clit
Master’s Fuck Toy
Conflict
Tease For Two
Memories of Spunk
“It’s total perfection.”
Fucking a Girl with a Double Dildo

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Insatiable Whore
Thoughts: Submissive Journals
Bondage vs. restraint
Dominant and Submissive “Fix”
Baring It All
Blow Job Submission – A spicy twist
Quickstart Guide
Struggling with sub drop

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

American Tantra is Full of Shit
Really, Riddick? Really?

Blogging

My nudity

Events

CatalystCon Part 1: Dildos, dildos, dildos

 


elustbutton200


Faire

“Up to anything today?”
“Working on school work.  What you up to?”
“Well it’s looking like I’m going to Ren Faire stag.  It’s the last possible day for me to go (out of town next weekend).”
“Oh, what time you going?”

~

I didn’t expect OKC boy to be free.  Even as I texted him, I remembered an earlier exchange where he mentioned being busy Sunday.  But I took a chance, and it just so happened to pay off.  We met on the grounds at 4:30pm.

He’d never been to Faire before, so I immediately when into tour guide mode, talking about everything we passed.

“What would you do normally?”
“Food and booze.  There is a tavern I like to start at which also happens to be near one of the major food areas.”

When we stepped up to the bar, I ordered my usual serendipity, cider and raspberry wine.  He asked to try to mead.  After a sip of a shot, he decided it would be his beverage.

“I’ll take a double.”

Two more sips in and he was already feeling the effects.

“I think I need food, like, now.”
“I can’t believe you ordered a double.”

I introduced him to the wonders of Scotch eggs, a hard boiled egg wrapped in sausage and deep fried (I know!), as well as his first turkey leg.

As we roamed around Faire, he marveled at all the shops.

“I’ve seen plenty of pictures from Faire, but they never show the shops, just the people.”

He admired all the outfits.

“If you can find a kilt and knee socks, I will buy them and wear them today.”

Alas, we had so much fun we never found his desired garb.

Instead we found ourselves in a conversation about movies.  The paper he was taking a break from was for his Understanding Movies class.  (Yup, it’s an actual class, and, from the way he’s described it, I want to take it.)

He asked me what my favorite movie was.  “Not just your normal answer.  What movie, no matter when it came on, or what mood you were in, this movie you would always watch.”

“Hmm.  Dodgeball.  You?”
“A Christmas Story.”
“I haven’t seen it.”

He gave me the side eye.

“Okay, I’ll tell you my other answer, and if you don’t know this movie I don’t know if we can be friends.  A Princess Bride.”
“Yes, of course I know A Princess Bride.  I love that movie.”

We talked about what we considered our bad movie: Dumb & Dumber for me, Dragonball Z for him.  Best visual effects: Pacific Rim for me, What Dreams May Come for him.  We talked about Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now and how it was related to Citizen Kane.  We ranted against M. Night Shyamalan’s bastardization of The Last Airbender.  We hard core geeked out and it was great.

In the middle of our fun, he took a quick selfie photo of the two of us.  And he kept reminding me to visit him after he moves.  He got a new job out-of-state, to start once the government opens back up.

Soon, though, it got dark; time to go.

We walked towards the front.  Right at the entrance gate, I held him back.

“The cannon goes off at 7pm; you’ll want to stay for that.”

I steered us towards the side.  He rubbed my shoulders, then put his hands on my hips.  He leaned against a post; I leaned into him.  He kissed me, his afternoon stubble scratchy against my face.

The cannon went off.

“That was worth the wait.”

He walked me to my car.  There was a brief conversation about his shirt.  (“What does it stand for?”  “It’s about vampires.”  “Really, cause that’s Rihanna.”  “Really?  Man, I liked this shirt.”)

And then he leaned in and kissed me again.  Longer this time.  His hands on my hip and ass.

“It’s dark enough I bet we could have sex and not get caught.”
“Probably.”

He leaned in for another kiss.  This time his hand went down, slipped under the skirt of my dress, and easily found my clit.  I gasped as he rubbed it.

“And you’re not wearing underwear.  That’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not.”

I bid him goodnight with a gleeful smile.


A Darkness

~ a nightmare ~

 

I laid on my bed, curled into myself, facing the wall.

He walked in.  I heard his boot steps.  Felt the change in the room.  Safety had vanished and wouldn’t reappear until he left.

He threw something on my legs, something soft, fuzzy.  I looked down.  It was a pink patchwork blanket.

“My sister made that for you.  She said she hopes you feel better.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her there’s no cure for being a whore.”

He sat on the foot of my bed.  I pulled my feet away from him.  He adjusted himself, leaned against the wall, tried to ease himself into my eye line.

“How are you feeling since our date?  That’s what whores call it, right?  A date?”

He ran his hand along my shine.  I recoiled, rolled off the bed.  Sat on the floor in a ball, rocking myself back and forth.

How had he gotten back onto the complex?  And now, back in my room.  Back on my bed.

I wouldn’t let him do it again. Not even with the hidden cameras in the room, able to capture his confession or, worse still, his attempt at seconds.

“Oh, little whore, you don’t want me here?”

He brushed his hand on my head.

“No!”

I couldn’t do it any longer, play coy, weak, acting like he’d broken me.  Confession or no confession, I was done being his victim.

I jumped up, pulled a knife, and held it in front of his face.

“Get out.  Now.”

A wicked grin grew as his eyes lit up.

“Alright, little whore.  I’ll see you around.”

My eyes followed his form as his left.

~

I ran towards my family.  Collapsed into their center.  Sought refuge in someone’s arms.

“I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t anymore.  I wouldn’t let him hurt me again.  I wouldn’t let him think I was weak, that he could do a harm to me whenever he felt the pleasure take him.”

They caressed my head, held me, rocked my lovingly.

“A festival day.”  The exaltation rang out.

“Let us not allow his darkness to ruin our light.  A festival day.”

“A festival day!”  They sang out in unison, lifting my heart.

~

The complex sang with people.  They ate, drank, laughed.  Stories and songs broke out filling our expanse of land surrounded by trees and blanketed in grass.  I smiled to see family and friends at my home.

But he was there.  He brought one of his new girlfriends.  I couldn’t understood now how anyone saw worth in him.  But he was a master of deception.  I knew that to be too true.

He caught my eye from fifty away.  A smile broke on his face.  I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of my fear.  My eyes narrowed.  My face hardened.  He would not do it again.

As I ate and laughed with friends, a raucous grew behind us.  He was involved.  It was cheerful, but moved closer and closer to my seat.  He pulled them, backed them up into me.  I jumped, moved away as he tried to grope me.

Over the hill, past the generational tree, down the gravel path I scurried to the gazebo.  It was one of my favorite parts of the complex.  Trees curled around it hugging its frame.  Leaves of orange and amber and red covered the grass leading to its steps.

I sat in the cool wetness of the ground.  Looked about.  Saw a group of six prepping for a picture.  One of them was Maestro.  His eyes were bright, elated to be among us.  He lived so far away.  Everyone was excited he had made the trip.

Once the picture was taken, I stood.  He saw me, approached.

“Oh how I have missed.”
“Not more than I have missed you, my young one.”

His strong arms encircled me, lifting me into his hug.

“This day of celebration is more so because you are here.”

He sat me back on my feet.  I gripped his hands, brought them to my lips, kissed them, caressed them against my cheek.

“Only your face, your joy, could warm me as the mar of one looms over me.”
“What mar?”
“You know him, yet you do not.  He hurt me, harmed me, took a piece of me once I am just now struggling to get back.”
“Who is…”

The raucous, he, had found me, bringing his false revelry with him as his cloaked merriment.

Maestro hollered towards the group in glee.  I dropped his hands and dashed away.

~

I wanted just a moment alone.  I went back towards my cottage.  Slipped inside.  Stepped into the bathroom and attempted to close and lock the door.  It wouldn’t secure all the way.  The door wasn’t completely shut.  I pulled it back and there he was, predator stare on me.

I shoved the door towards him.  He leaned against my strength, trying to push himself inside.  My frame was no match for his build.  I reached down to my boot, flicked open my knife.  Loomed it by his eye ball.

His smile came back, but he stopped.  Stood up tall.  Backed away and out my home.

~

I’d called the cops.  I wanted it to be over.  I stood by the front door of the rental house waiting.

The cops arrived, a pair of gentlemen in wrinkled uniforms.  They stepped onto the porch and asked me my issue.

“My Ex will be here shortly.  I asked him to give me his key back.  I have repeatedly told him we are over, yet he keeps pushing for reconciliation, to the point where I fear for my safety.  Please, I have tried filing a restraining order, but because he has yet to be charged with anything I was declined.  I just want my key back and this man out of my life.”

He pulled into the driveway.  Parked.  Walked towards us.

“My key,” I said.
“Of course.”  He threw his jumble of keys at me.  I caught them, located the one I needed, and began pulling it off the metal ring.

I felt, then heard, then saw the click as a handcuff bound one of my wrists.  I looked up.  His predator stare met my gaze.

He turned me, grabbed my other wrist, bound my hands behind my back.

“Officers, please.”
“Thanks guys, I’ve got it from here.”

The two men laughed as they watched him manhandle me.

“Stop this.  Stop this, please.  Why aren’t you stopping this?”

“She really goes for the realistic kidnapping scene.”

“No!  This is not a scene.  I didn’t consent to this.  Red.  Red.  Safeword.  Please, stop him.”

A look of concern entered their faces.

“Kenny, um, are you sure she wants this?”

“I don’t want this.  I don’t want this.  Stop this, please.”

I heard the click of his trunk opening.

“She’s a heavy player guys.  We’re good.”

“What’s going on?”

I turned and saw Maestro in his full leathers.  In the commotion no one had heard him drive up and park at the bottom of the driveway.

“Maestro, the darkness I spoke of to you on festival day.”

“Kendrick?”

Maestro’s face displayed puzzlement, then horror, then anger.

“Son, free her.”
“Poppa, she’s…”
“Free her!”

His booming voice made even the officers jump.  Kendrick unlocked one cuff.  I spun, kicked his crotch, kneed his stomach, and then, with my former lover now half fallen, I punched his face before his body slumped to the ground.

“You will never take from me again.”


Questions

~ a daydream ~

 

What does it say that even the mere whisper of your voice sends shivers up my body, tingling the hairs on the back of my neck, and flushing me hot all over?

What does it say when a simple message from you captures my attention, drawing me away from anything else about my day?  I read it, and re-read it over and over, trying to glean any meaning beyond the words on my screen.  What is your mood?  What do you wish of me?  What might I expect in my near future?

What does it say that I think upon you often?  Every other moment it seems.  Your face.  Your gait.  Your body.  Your voice.  The way you feel near me, next to me, gripping me tightly.  Your smell before bed, the sweat and stress of your day, the taste of your torments on your skin before my pleasures loll you to sleep.

What does it mean that I care for you as I do?  What am I thinking, having you in my life?  You’re dangerous, deceptive, never towards me but in your dealings.  To live with you is to invite your world into my own.  To lay with you each night is to play with a fire I have no way to control.  Do I truly understand what is means to be yours?  Do you understand what it means to have me?

What can I say, other than I love you?  What can I do, other than adore you?  How can I live without your scent, your touch, when all I crave each moment of each day is to be near you?  To feel you, fuck you, love you.

Who am I if not your lover?  Who are you if not my cherished one?